31 days of horror Day 14

Cheerleader Camp

Source-Anchor Bay DVD

Made at the end of the slasher cycle,Cheerleader Camp is a film that shows that with a little dash of humor,and stocking the film with 2 Playboy Playmates you can still have a film that is remembered even now. The main cast is made up of Betsy Russell,Teri Weigel,Rebecca Ferratti,and Leif Garrett. They are the cheer leading team from Lindo Valley,and they head up to Camp Hurrah to end the National Cheer leading contest. Yes even though this film is from 1987 Leif is trying his best to pass as a teenager. The film goes as you would expect from a mid 80's slasher movie,blood,guts,and tits. Sadly the killer is so easy to spot,when they first appear most people should be able to tell that they will be the killer. Overall a decent film,perfect for gathering a group of friends over,and drinking a few cold ones while watching. The DVD is easy to find for cheap,IIRC I got my copy still sealed for about $6 total. Cheerleader Camp gets a B.

31 days of horror Day 13

Trick 'r Treat

Source-Warner Premiere DVD

After waiting almost 2 years,this is finally released. TRT is an anthology film with 4 main stories. The first story is about the local school Principal,who has a unusual way of craving "pumpkins". The second story has a group of 5 kids who are going around collecting jack-o-lanterns. After getting 8 of them they go down to the local rock quarry. Where the lead girl tells a tale about a school bus full of 'tards going into the water. The third story,which we have been seeing pieces of since the start of the film. Has Anna Paquin,and 3 of her friends. The get Halloween costumes and the three other girls head off to a huge bonfire party. Anna hangs around town for awhile then finally starts walking to the party. She meets what at first seems to be a legit vampire. But in this story things are not how they seem. The last story stars the great Brian Cox. He is the neighborhood asshole. Scaring kids off and stealing their candy. But like in all good EC comic stories he gets what is coming to him in the end. All 4 stories are somewhat tied together by a little kid that is dressed in red footie pajamas,and has a tater sack for a mask on his head. He is cute and terrifying at the same time. And I bet next year you will see piles of Lil kids in this outfit. I still don't understand why this was held up for 2 years then given a DTV release. If they had released this to theaters in the month of October I feel it would have easily made a decent showing at the box office. It is the first film I have watched this year that invokes the Halloween spirit. Shit the only flaw I found in it was the use of Marilyn Mason's earsplitting bad cover of "Sweet Dreams". A,would have gotten an A+ but the Mason song dropped it down a notch.

31 Days of horror Day 12

Jack Ketchum's Offspring

Source-Ghosthouse Underground DVD

First off I am a huge Jack Ketchum fan,and also have been very impressed with the 3 previous films based on his novels. So when I first heard about a film adaptation of Offspring,which is my second favorite novel from him,I was very excited. I had a feeling that no R rated movie could accurately recreate the novel.

A recently divorced mother and her son travel up to the Maine coast to visit some friends. The first day there the mom gets a call from her ex-husband. He is driving up to come see them. This upsets her cause he was abusive and she has a restraining order against him. Later that night before he arrives a local "family" of cannibals attacks the house. The husband of the couple dies first in a pretty gruesome way. 3 of the cannibal kids surround the wife of the couple,but the divorced mom manages to run up stairs,get the couple's baby,and makes it to the room her son is sleeping in. The oldest male of the cannibals follows her and tries to get in the room. The cannibals want the baby to replace one that died earlier. The mom gets her son to jump out the window and she follows while holding the baby. All three of them run off into the woods. The male cannibal manages to break thru the door and sees them running off into the woods. He goes and tells the head of the "family", a very alpha female. And she tells all the kids to run after them. They run out and this is the moment that the ex-husband happens to drive up. The cannibal kids assault his car,and he manages to drive off. As he is driving very fast down the dirt roads leading away from the house,he runs into 3 cops that are looking for the cannibals. They start to question him,and he runs off into the woods. Meanwhile Mom,son,and baby are hiding in a tree house the son had found earlier. For some unknown reason the Mom decides they need to keep moving. So they all climb down . They run for a short while when they run into the eldest male cannibal. The mom hands the baby off to her son and tells him to run. Mom is taken hostage by the male,but the son manages to make it back to the tree house. He leaves the baby up there and climbs down and starts trailing the cannibal that is dragging his mom to the cave where they live. The ex-husband comes out of the woods onto a beach,where he is accosted by some of the cannibals . They cut him on his left calf and leave him on the beach. Not much later the 3 cops are a little ways away from the ex-husband on the beach. They think they hear something and 3 of the cannibal kids attack them. One cop gets a very long nail shoved into his left eye. another is stabbed in the gut.The cop with the nail in his eye ,pulls out his gun and shots the kid that is still hanging on him directly in the head. The third cop,who is actually a retired cop that has dealt with some of this "family before,is knocked to the ground. He hits his head on a rock and passes out. The Alpha female cannibal comes along sees the three presumed dead cops,plus the dead kid,and tells one of the surviving kids to take the dead body up to the cave. Alpha female keeps walking along the beach and finds ex-husband,and she finds a connection in him.So she helps him to his feet and they head towards the cave. The son sees all of this and also heads towards the cave. The ex-cop comes too and heads down the beach,where he meets up with the son. This leads up to a very violent and gruesome showdown that would ruin the movie if i talked about it. The acting was uniformly good. The story follows the book very closely. And the special effects amazed me,since I knew this was a very low budget film. I found this to be a stunningly brutal movie,that really didn't pull any punches,and it is the best American made cannibal movie I have seen. Not only that but it is also the best horror film I have seen this year. A+

31 Days of horror Day 11

Dead Alive AKA Brain Dead

Source-Unrated Trimark DVD

Ah Dead Alive also known as Brain Dead in most other countries. Fuck Lord of the rings,King Kong ,this is truly Peter Jackson's masterpiece. Set back in the 1950's in New Zealand. Lionel is a 30ish man who still lives with and takes care of his aging mother. One day he takes the cute girl that works at the local grocery store to the zoo. His mom follows him and while she is spying on him gets bit by a Sumatrian Rat Monkey. At first all seems normal, then she starts turning into zombie. He tries his best to keep her inside his house. Sorta a reverse of "Night of the living dead". But after his sleazy uncle shows up,all hell breaks loose. The Uncle throws a wild party. Lionel has his mother,plus a few other people she has bitten,locked up in the basement. But one of the drunken party goers opens the basement door and the zombies escape. Around this same time Lionel's girlfriend shows up and gets trapped in a room in the house. This has to be one of the bloodiest movies I have ever seen. IIRC the famous lawnmower scene has about 50 gallons of blood spraying everywhere. Sadly I seems very unlikely that Peter Jackson will ever go back to making low budget horror/comedies again. Which is too bad,cause he has a real gift for comedy. Dead Alive is a solid A+.

31 days of horror Day 10

Funny Games-2007 American Remake

Source-Warner Brothers DVD

I saw the original German version of Funny Games quite a few years ago. This shot for shot remake,which has the same director as the original,while exactly the same as the original doesn't have the emotional impact. A couple and their son,Naomi Watts and Tim Roth,are heading to their vacation home that is on a lake. They arrive and Tim and his son go out to get the sailboat prepared. While this is happening Naomi is getting dinner ready when a knock is at the door. She answers it and it is 2 teenage boys,who say that the neighbors sent them over to borrow some eggs. Both boys have an air of uneasiness surrounding them. Tim Roth and the son come back into the house around the time both boys are leaving,there is a confrontation and the two boys get the upper hand and take the couple and their son hostage. From here it becomes a series of sick and twisted games that the two boys play with the family. One thing that a lot of people don't notice on first viewing is 99% of the violence happens off screen and we only really see the aftermath. While this movie clearly draws on Last house on the left,Last house on the beach,and House on the edge of the park,it doesn't fall into the exploitation of the audience that the others do. One scene which I have to mention,but can't say much about without spoiling one of the best moments in movies in many years,It seems that Naomi Watts is getting the upper hand on the two boys. But quickly you find out that she only has a very "remote" chance. For some reason the original worked better on an emotional level,even though it was subtitled. This one is still good,but it didn't have as an intense effect on me. Still I would have to give it a solid A.

31 Days of horror Day 9

Stephen King's Desperation

Source-Lionsgate DVD release

Desperation while not one of King's better novels was still a enjoyable read. This is a Made for TV adaptation of that novel. It starts with a couple who are driving a car across country. The lady of the couple mentions that the car and most of the stuff in it are her sisters. They get pulled over in the desert by a cop,Ron Perlman. He ask to search the car and they agree to the search. While looking in the trunk he discovers a bag of weed. So he arrest both of them and puts them in the back of his patrol car. While on the ride to the nearest town,the cop starts saying strange words and making very strange sounds. Then he coughs and blood sprays outta his mouth and hits the windshield. Once they get to the town,the couple notices that there is no one in the town. The cop pulls up to the jail and takes them inside. Inside they meet a family of 3,mom dad and son. After some quick thinking they manage to get outta the jail and are slowly making their way outta town when they start to realize that all is not as it seems. I was actually surprised at how much gore was in this since it was Made for TV,IIRC it aired on ABC. Overall the acting is good,and it follows the novel pretty closely until the very end. Then there is some changes from the novel,but they seem to mainly be because of budget reasons. Overall it is a solid B+.

31 Days of horror Day 8

Masters of Horror Dreams in the Witch House

Source-Anchor Bay retail release DVD

Again thanks to Netflix being a shithead I ended up changing what I was gonna review today. Luckily what was supposed to be here today is gonna be here tomorrow. Masters of Horror was a TV series that aired on Showtime for 2 seasons. Each Director was told to make an hour long short film,and not to worry about being censored. Stuart Gordon,who is a well known H P Lovecraft fan, based his short on the Lovecraft story "Dreams in the Witch House." College student Walter Gilman moves into a house that is used as a boarding house. He meets his neighbor who is a single mom with a very young baby. Then that night he starts seeing very weird things in the corners of his room,lots of geometric shapes and other stuff that looks kinda like stuff I saw in my 9th grade geometry class. The next day he is laying in his bed resting and a rat runs up on the bed,but this is no ordinary rat this rat has a human face. And it can talk. Walter starts seeing more and more strange things,and he has a dream where he tries to sacrifice the other tenant's baby. Turns out the witch,who lives inside the walls of the home,wants to be reborn and is gonna try to use the baby to facilitate that. I don't wanna spoil this very interesting story anymore so I will stop there. The effects are pretty good for something that is on a TV budget,and the acting while not the best is better than most television level acting. Stuart Gordan is really good at keeping you off kilter and keeping a sense of dread building. This is a A-,would have been higher but it was a little too short.

31 Days of horror Day 7

Night of the Demons III aka Demon House

Source-Bootleg DVD that is a rip of a German DVD release

I can remember seeing the original Night of the Demons years ago,and really enjoying it. So when I found part III ,which isn't out on Region 1 DVD, for cheap I had to get it. Weirdly I purchased this DVD back in 2004,but until earlier tonight I had never watched it. Film starts out with a cop checking out Hell House,a former mortuary. He encounters Angela,the lead villain from part 1,and he is quickly killed. Cut to a semi-mousy looking teen and her best friend the head cheerleader. They are discussing what they want to do tonight,since it is Halloween. Another quick cut and we meet a group of 5 late teens,all driving around aimlessly in a van. It is the usual assortment of horror movie teens,IE nerdy guy,tough guy who happens to look like the lead singer from nickelback,his current slut,tough guy that isn't as tough as he acts,and token black guy. While driving around the back roads they see that mousy girl and the cheerleader have broken down. They stop and offer them a ride to the big school dance. But before they get there tough guy makes then stop at the corner gas station. While inside token black guy tries to use his older brother's ID to buy some beer. An argument starts. And then the gas station attendant pulls a shotgun on him. Tough guy grabs the shotgun,and right at that moment 2 cops walk into the store. Tough guy accidentally shoots one of the cops,who flies out the window. And token black guy is also shot. All 7 of the teens flee the gas station,and since they think they have killed a cop,they try to think of a place to hideout till they can come up with a plan. Of course they end up at Hell House. Not long after arriving there they meet Angela. And one by one Angela takes their souls. Token black guy gets run over by the van,and comes back as a mutilated zombie. Tough guy's slut has her left arm change into a snake. Nerdy guy gets a devil head. Mousy girl turns into a half cat half slut. So the only two left are cheerleader and not so tough guy. Turns out they both have been harboring a secret crush on each other since the beginning of school. They are trying to escape with the help of another cop that has shown up,when tough guy walks out of the house with a gun to Angela's head. Not so tough guy shoots Angela in the face with the shotgun,and somehow tough guy ends up getting shot in his left eye. Which was a really well done piece of F/X. The cop goes up to distract Angela while the two teens try to leave the area. See a river runs underground around Hell House ,and demons can't cross running water. Angela ends up ripping out the cop's heart. and grabs cheerleader's arm as she is almost across the underground river. Not so tough guy grabs the cheerleader's other arm and manages to pull her and Angela across the line. This causes Angela to sorta explode and melt at the same time. The new kinda happy couple walk off and the movie ends. While not as good as the original,but really can anything top the "disappearing" lipstick gag? This is still a funny turn off your brain horror film. So it gets a B+ from me.

31 Days of horror Day 6

Boarding House

Source-Code Red DVD

Horrible horrible movie,even worse than Dawn of the living dead. Worse than anything Ed Wood put out. Guy inherits house,turns it into a Boarding house for slightly skanky looking females. Someone with telekinesis is killing off the girls. Even the abundant nudity can't save this huge pile of shit. Shot on video,and it shows,this movie was made back in the early 80's. And somehow was released to theaters. All the actors/actresses are worse than the worst little theater production. While watching this abortion of a movie,it felt like my brain was turning into liquid and pouring out my ears. I doubt that even Joel/Mike and the bots could save this waste of celluloid. Avoid at all costs. This gets a F-. I have seen more entertaining film on my dog's teeth.

31 Days of horror Day 5

Dawn of the Living Dead

Source-Retail DVD

Found this "gem" around this time last year at a local once a year flea market. It was still sealed and only cost me $3. Too bad I got ripped off for $2.99. I should have known better when the biggest names in the cast were Joe Estevez and Todd Bridges. It is your basic zombie movie,but for some reason you never see more than 3 zombies at anytime. Joe is the male lead and we are supposed to believe he is married to a woman that is half his age. Bridges has a very very small part as the local "crazy Ralph". Not sure if it's acting or Todd's love of crack,but it is very hard to understand what he is saying. And thanks to a lack of subtitles a lot of the dialogue is drowned out by the horrid musical score. Avoid this movie at all cost. I have a friend out in Texas that seems to love any horrid piece of shit horror movie,so I will be sending this to her as a X-mas gift. This gets an F-.