31 Days of Horror 2024 Day 06 Maid Droid

 

TITLE-Maid Droid

SOURCE-TUBI streaming App

Yep Tubi,the place that got The Asylum to jump ship from Syfy Channel. The place where odds are pretty good any given movie you half remember from seeing at 2am when you were drunk is on it or will be in a few weeks.

Was on TUBI looking for something to watch, Saw the above poster and the 2023 release date and after a quick look at IMDB,where I confirmed no one in this did much else,I started the movie.

The lead has been single for a bit. His previous fianace left him for another man. So he now rarely leaves his home. He works from home. A friend of his tells him about this service for android maids. Yea Rosie from Jetsons but HOT. And this is set in the modern time. 

The friend hints the company behind this service is a bit shady. And everytime the lead asks about the cost he just gets told "you can afford it"

He gets sent the lady on the poster,Mako. And fairly quickly he is going from booking her for 4 hours every few days to 8 hours every day to wanting her to stay. This requires a charging station be added to his closet. Seems Mako can only operate for 8 hours,then takes 8 hours to charge.

The first night when he goes to bed he puts Mako to sleep mode and on charge. And she starts to have nightmare about a previous client. Who tortured her. Cause why not she aint a human she is a robot. 

Yep this droid is gonna start trying to kill our lead.  What sets her off ,besides the nightly dreams of torture,is when the ex fianace gets back in touch. 

Oddly this was way better than I expected. The poster and trailer made it appear to be more like a "Vista Street" era Witchcraft film. Sure it has nudity and sex scenes.  They are all short and the acting is actually decent.

The gore was better than I expected. With the kills near the end being way harsher than you normally see in a low budget film of this sub genre.

Maid Droid gets a C.

31 Days of Horror 2024 Day 05 A Haunted House

 

TITLE-A Haunted House

SOURCE-Universal DVD

Once the Scary Movie franchise died the lower level Wayans brothers,Shawn and Marlon,started this parody/horror/comedy series.Yep another "Hey this is a buck and you never seen it"buys. 

Marlon is moving his new wife ,Essence Atkins,into his home. He has a security system set up. And the first half of the movie is a Paranormal Activity parody. Which parts were funny,but having not seen any of the Paranormal Activity movies I am sure there is bits I didn't get.

Then the last half the wife is now possessed,after getting banged by a "gost". And the film morphs into a Exorcist parody. Cedric the Entertainer as the Priest.

In these parody films they throw 100 jokes out at once knowing a few will hit and you will laugh. So for me to judge one of these I take notice of how long I go WITHOUT laughing. And on this one there was long stretches where I might grin at a bit,but no laughes.

Worth renting or streaming. Now I gotta figure out what to do with this movie I will never watch again.

A Haunted House gets a C.

31 Days of Horror 2024 Day 04 Sleepy Hollow High

 

TITLE-Sleepy Hollow High

SOURCE-Sterling DVD

Betting this is the most time and money I have spent on a shitty movie. 6 years ago I found Sleepy Hollow High on VHS at a local junkstore. Paid the 50 cents the guy wanted. Then it just got added to the unwatched stack.

Skip ahead to 2020. Stuck at home cause of all the shit going on I found the trailer to Sleepy Hollow High on Youtube. Fuck I gotta watch this. Couldn't find my vhs. Offer to Ebay dropped 10 buck,plus 3 for shipping to get the dvd. The one pictured above. The one that smelled like an ashtray.

5 students that are in trouble are sent to Sleepy Hollow Park Grounds to perfom community service. A killer is loose and they start to die.Standard slasher shit. 

Then add in bad acting,bad camera angles,bad fx work,bad script and you get this pile of shit. Only thing worth a fuck about it is the shooting location. But then finding a patch of woods that is empty to film in isn't that hard.

Of course now after spending close to 15 bucks on this pile of donkey feces I see it is now on Youtube,free. Don't go watch it. Avoid this rancid lump of tripe.

Sleepy Hollow High gets a F.

31 Days of Horror 2024 Day 03 Devil's Den

 

TITLE-Devil's Den

SOURCE-STARZ DVD

Not sure why but early in 2023 I was going through Jeff Burr's IMDB page,RIP SIR. Saw Devil's Den listed saw the cast and looked yep it's on TUBI. Watched it and went and ordered a copy of the DVD.

Take From Dusk Till Dawn,replace Clooney with Devon Sawa,or as the opening credits say DEON Sawa. Replace The Hammer with Ken Foree. Replace Tom Savini with Kelly Hu,an upgrade I would think. And you get Devil's Den.

Still curious why Jeff Burr used a alias on this. Had planned on getting a mutual friend to ask Mr Burr. Then well Jeff passed last year.

The plot? Devon/Deon and his buddy are smuggling Spanish Fly out of Mexico. I do wonder why they are smuggling it when every issue of Eazy Rider and Hustler I found in my dad's stash had it for sale. To test out how strong it is they stop at a bordertown strip club.

Kelly Hu is an assassin who has been hired to kill Devon. Ken Foree starts off as a Urkel like customer in the strip club but becomes a samurai.

Everything about this film makes me pose so many questions. Like why 10 years after the fact would you make a From Dusk till Dawn ripoff? Why is Burr using an alias? Why didn't anyone notice Devon's name was spelled wrong? Why isn't Kelly Hu a bigger name?

Now I enjoyed this. It is just one of those turn your brain off and enjoy horror films. More comedy than horror.

Devil's Den gets a B-

31 Days of Horror 2024 Day 02 Bring it On Cheer or Die

 

TITLE-Bring it On Cheer or Die

SOURCE-Universal DVD

Yea everyone kind of remembers the first Bring it On movie. Cheerleaders,comedy and not a bad film. Who remembers the 6 or 7 sequels? Yea not many. In 2021 a new sequel came out. This time switching genres. Nope not a comedy aimed at teens this one is a SLASHER!!!

The Diablos are a cheer squad that loses at meets cause they aren't allowed to do stunts. Something about a girl dying doing them decades ago. 

Abby talks the lady in charge of them into allowing them for one big meet to do stunts. But the Diablos need a huge place to practice these new moves in. Only place big enough of course is the old abandoned school on the other side of town.

So the cheer squad goes. Not long after they start practicing one of the  girls twists her ankle. The dude ass stoner dude on the team packed a cooler but no ice,and they see that the bag with all their cells in it is missing now. 

After finding a list,with each member of the cheer squad listed as Hot Guy,Total slut,etc they realize something is up. Then 2 people in Mascot outfits show up and start killing off the Diablos.

Fairly decent kills,mostly practical FX work. And the reveal of who the killers is ain't bad. Like it isn't a total surprise but it also fits the feel of the film.

The surviving members of the Diablos a year later are at a meet and we get a twist that changes the film. Then boom credits roll.

Went into this expecting total junk. Over the past decade I have seen all the Bring it On movies and yea after that first one it is a fast downhill slide. Was surprised at how well done this movie was. And it is a modern slasher that doesn't feel like a Scream ripoff.

Bring  It On Cheer or Die gets a C+

31 Days of Horror 2024 Day 01 Ninja Vampire Busters

 

TITLE-Ninja Vampire Busters aka Vampire Busters

SOURCE-Video Asia DVD

Yes that is stolen Eerie Publications artwork on that DVD cover. Those covers are why I grabbed a pile of those Video Asia double features. Most  which have sat on my shelf unwatched. Wanted something I had never seen today and the title Ninja Vampire Busters caught my eye.

Made in 1989 this is a Hong Kong horror/fantasy/comedy. We  see a bunch of rebels attacking a place. The fat owner only wants to make sure they do not disturb a urn. Seems an EVIL SPIRIT is in that urn. The urn ends up going off a cliff and into the ocean.

500 years later the son of a rich man bids on this urn as a joke. The urn is won and ends up in the rich man's lavish apartment. Now yea I get that in a crowded place like Hong  Kong lavish means a place bigger than normal,but this apartment appears to be half the size of my home and my home is not that big.

The son's asshole friends are around and one of them uses the urn as an ashtray. Which releases the spirit. Who possesses various members of the family.

Leading up to a long fight at the end between someone who is possessed and what looks like the fat guy from the prologue but now with a shit stache.

No vampires in the film,mostly demon looking  things after someone becomes possessed by the evil spirit. And really no ninjas. Thinking this was retitled in the states to tap into that Ninja and Vampire trend in the 80s.

Way way more comedy than horror. And very broad comedy. But I have come to expect that with Hong Kong movies. 

This being from Video Asia I am sure they just toook some old ex rental VHS they found and did a straight dupe from that to a dvd-r. It looks like that was the case. The picture has that blurry look old cheap vhs had. The sound for the last 10 minutes goes up and down. And the film cuts off before thhe credits finish.

Ninja Vampire Busters gets a D+

No Holds Barred DVD

 

TITLE-No Holds Barred

SOURCE-WWE DVD

Oh man the late 80s. I was watching any wrestling on tv. Renting ppvs as soon as the tapes hit the video stores. And buying every wrestling mag I could find. You would think that I was there opening night to see No Holds Barred I bet. Nope.

Situation is unique. Growing up in the heart of Mid South Wrestling territory I was never a Hulk Hogan fan. Had  a feeling the movie was going to be really bad. Rented it once it hit VHS. Hated it and never bothered seeing it again.

Few weeks back vending at a indie wrestling event down on the gulf coast. Another vendor walks over sees I got a figure he wants. Asks if I wanted to work a trade. Walk over see his DVD rack and grabbed a few to make the deal.

Thinking ok maybe it is a so bad it is good film. NOPE. 

Hogan is Rip the biggest star in wrestling. Tiny Lister is Zeus the star of a tough man contest like sport. Where they fight in an 8 sided ring.

Hogan asks a guy if he is smelling dookie. Joan Severence shows her boney butt in some panties. And Hogan shows off his orange ass cheeks in a dumb scene.

The story behind the writing and filming of this film are much more entertaining than the movie. Stories of Vince and Hogan staying up 2 days in a hotel room writing the script,with rumored mounds of cocaine.

Love seeing people hate on Ready to rumble,which is WCW's version of No Holds Barred,then claiming NHB is good.

Nah they are both bad. Just that Ready to Rumble is bad in a watchable way. And this is bad in a "Oh man I loved this as a kid so now I watch it again to go back to my childhood" way.

No Holds Barred gets a F-

Wonder Woman DVD

 

TITLE-Wonder Woman

SOURCE-Double Feature WB DVD

Years back when Wonder Woman came out I skipped it. Lots of it having to do with me just not enjoying most DC movies.

But yea part of it is I have never been a huge Wonder Woman fan. As a kid growing up in the 70s I saw her on Superfriends and the live action Linda Carter TV show. But when I would find her comic it was eitheer issues from the Kung fu era or she was fighting the dumbest villains ever.

Really it wasn't until her revamp after Crisis on Infinite Earths by George Perez that I really enjoyed Wonder Woman in comics. 

Add in how she was portrayed in the Justice League and then JLU sequel series I was a small fan.

Set back during World War 1 this movie from my memory of it shows Wonder Woman's origin as it was back in the pre-Crisis days.

Born from clay on Paradise Island. Heads to man's land after Steve Trevor lands on the island during WW1. And becomes Diana Prince.

What this film does so well is takes that basic story that I had been told in 8 pages in a reprint and makes it a fully fleshed out movie with 3 acts. And this was 2 hours 20 somethng minutes and didn't feel padded or bloated like most other capeshit films.

Our leads are all great in their roles. Gal is a believable Wonder Woman. I was worried cause she isn't as big as say Linda Carter was. But she makes it work. The guy playing Steve is good. Balancing comedy and heroism. And Ares oh so damn good.

Great battle scenes. The one with Wonder Woman jumping out of a trench and just runniing full force at a machine gun nest is so well shot,edited and everything.

Hearing the sequel isn't nearly as good. Got it on this DVD pack with the first one cheap.

Wonder Woman gets a B+

Venom Let there be Carnage DVD

 

TITLE-Venom Let There Be Carnage
SOURCE-Sony DVD

Venom hit the Spidey comics around the time I was dropping them. When the first Venom movie came out I caught it late one night on STARZ and it wasn't bad. 

Found this sequel new sealed at a pawn shop for a buck and took the chance. 

Eddie has a deal with Venom. Venom gets to eat chicken brains and chocolate,aand Eddie and Venom will fight crime.

Kletus Kasaday the serial killer wants to speak to Eddie and only Eddie. Offering him a exclusive interview. While doing the interview Kletus bites Eddie. 

Not long after this when Kletus is being put to death he doesn't die. Nope somehow part of the Symbiote is in him now. And Kletus is Carnage ready to destroy the world. Along side his girlfriend Shriek.

Only Eddie and Venom can stop them. But after a argument Venom leaves and is body hopping. Which a trip to a rave that is one of the best scenes in the film.

Leading up to a big battle at a church. Pure capshit spectacle and it was glorious.

Big and dumb,but fun...Venom Let There Be Carnage is worth seeing. And gets a C.

Shazam Fury of the Gods DVD

 

TITLE-Shazam Fury of the Gods

SOURCE-WB DVD

Never noticed back then but in the late 70s when I was a young kid DC was pushing Captain Marvel,AKA Shazam now,hard. Live action SatAM show. Cartoon,new comic,piles of merch. And it never seemed to work.

Then a few years ago a Shazam film came out and like I do with so many of these capestuff movies I buy it let it sit on my shelf for a long time then watch it. Loved it and when I found the second film cheap not that long ago I grabbed it.

Got told "Go find us a Marvel movie we haven't seen off the comic book movie shelf". Grabbed Shazam Fury of the Gods cause well they are the MARVEL family.

Billy and the rest of the Marvel family still living with their foster family. Helen Mirren and Lucy Liu show up in Greece and get the wizards staff from the first film. Get the wizard to repair it and put a bubble up around the city.

While this is going on Freddy is trying to impress the new girl at school,who turns out to be the sister of Helen and Lucy. Mary Marvel is about to head off to college and the rest of the Marvel Family has their various issues.

Seems the three sisters are the Daughters of Atlas. And are trying to take over the mortal world. 

Big battles ,decent FX work,a cool looking dragon. And we are lead to believe Billy has died. But a cameo from another DC Heroine saves the day.

Yea this ain't nearly as good as the first film. Not sure what is missing. Story,acting and FX work are all good. Also it is LONG. Like at least 20 minutes longer than needed. 

Shazam Fury of the Gods gets a C+