31 Days of Horror 2025 Day 23 CrackCoon

 

TITLE-CrackCoon

SOURCE-Amazon Prime Video

Prime Video the streaming service I forget I have. Usually I go to it when whatever I want to see isn't on anything else. If Tubi is the Mom and Pop video store at 9pm on a Friday,Amazon Prime Video is that regional chain video store,mine was Homeport Video,they got 3 or 4 stores tops so you know if no other place has say Van Nuys BLVD one of the Homeport Videos will.

Wanted something fast and easy to watch. Saw the title and knew I had found the film. A new crack is out on the streets. To me it looks like someone melted down orange gummi bears. Whoever smokes this crack gets instantly violent and starts killing people.

Cut to 2 couples and a friend out in the woods. After getting to know them a bit we cut to a car with two drug dealers. They are delivering the crack to the two couples. Notice a cop car following them so in a blind curve throw their backpack of crack out the window. Then once the cops let them go they go to find the crack. But a raccoon has already ate all of it. Now it is a killer Crackcoon. His first kill is by biting off the dick and balls of one of the drug dealers.The rest of the film is the 5 folks at the house,the one living drug dealer and a sheriff and his burlesque dancer looking wife fighting of the killer CrackCoon.

The Crackcoon looks like a stuffed animal. It's attacks are mostly offf screen then we see the damage,which is normally some decent looking gore. Acting wise the cast goes as bad as "PLease shut up and die cause you are not a good actor" to "Hey you might be able to get a bit part on Law & Order SVU one day."

Big Dumb Fun and I loved it. I wouldn't buy it on blu ray or dvd. I doubt I watch it again. But I don't hate I spent time watching it.

CrackCoon gets a  D+

31 Days of Horror 2024 Day 05 A Haunted House

 

TITLE-A Haunted House

SOURCE-Universal DVD

Once the Scary Movie franchise died the lower level Wayans brothers,Shawn and Marlon,started this parody/horror/comedy series.Yep another "Hey this is a buck and you never seen it"buys. 

Marlon is moving his new wife ,Essence Atkins,into his home. He has a security system set up. And the first half of the movie is a Paranormal Activity parody. Which parts were funny,but having not seen any of the Paranormal Activity movies I am sure there is bits I didn't get.

Then the last half the wife is now possessed,after getting banged by a "gost". And the film morphs into a Exorcist parody. Cedric the Entertainer as the Priest.

In these parody films they throw 100 jokes out at once knowing a few will hit and you will laugh. So for me to judge one of these I take notice of how long I go WITHOUT laughing. And on this one there was long stretches where I might grin at a bit,but no laughes.

Worth renting or streaming. Now I gotta figure out what to do with this movie I will never watch again.

A Haunted House gets a C.

31 Days of Horror 2021 Day 27 The VelociPastor

 

TITLE-VelociPastor

SOURCE-Youtube

This low budget and insane horror/comedy came out in 2018. I heard about it back then and wanted to see it. But forgot about the film. Earlier this year I was making a list of films I wanted to review for 31 days of Horror. For some reason VelociPastor popped up in my head. I used the JustWatch site,a great search engine for streaming services,to see if it was on any of the streaming services I have. It wasn't. I mentioned to my lady how I wanted to see the movie and a few minutes later she sent me a link to it on Youtube.

From the first few minutes of this film we can tell what kind of film we are about to watch. The film opens with a car wreck but we dont see the wreck. Instead we see a sign saying something like INSERT WRECK FOOTAGE HERE! So yea we are gonna get a kinda meta horror/comedy.

Doug is our lead and he sees his parents die in the previously mentioned car wreck. Being depressed Doug travels to China on a spiritual journey. He finds a group of ninjas who have an artifact that they claim will turn people into the Dragon Warrior,no not the uber common NES game.

Doug gets infected by the artifact and this causes him to turn into the VelociPastor of the title.And the rest of the film is full of wackiness. With Doug going around fighting people as this dino ninja.

The budget is 35k. And I kinda doubt it was that high. All the FX work looks really cheap. With lots of the scenes with the VelociPastor looking like something I would see in a mid 90s Sega CD video game. But the acting and the really funny and fun script make up for the lack of budget.

This movie was a pretty decent hit on the festival scene. And a sequel is suppose to happen sometime soon.

If you enjoy low budget horror and dumb as a rock comedy this is a movie worth tracking down. Just know going into the film that you are watching a movie that costs less than the catering on any of the big blockbuster movies you have seen in the past 20 years.

The VelociPastor gets a A.

31 Days of Horror 2021 Day 21 Dead Heat

 

TITLE-Dead Heat

SOURCE-Airing on Joe Bob's Last Drive In

I love how Joe Bob keeps showing films that I have seen but not thought about in years. Dead Heat came on in 1988,and got horrible press. Was called one of the worst films in years. Not sure why I didn't see this in a theater. Because back in 1988 I was going to see pretty much every horror and sci fi film that hit theaters.

Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo are cops and are heading to robbery at a jewel store. Bullets don't seem to effect the robbers. So Williams and Piscopo use a non-conventional way to stop them. Which of course gets them in trouble with their Chief.

A cornor friend of our leads,love that Williams is playing Roger Mortis,informs him that the robbers have autopsy scars. And she remembers performing the autopsy on them. She finds an odd chemical in the dead bodies,so our two cops goto the company that makes this chemical to see what is up. Treat ends up trapped in decompression room. Which the company uses to kill the animals they experiment on. Treat dies.

But Treat is brought back to life. And now him and Joe are trying to figure out how and why someone is using dead bodies to commit major crimes. But can they solve this case before Treat dies again? Seems the process used to bring Treat back also causes his organ to liquify over the course of a few days.

Dead Heat was made by New World Pictures. And appears to have a fairly high budget. But it only made a bit over 3.5 million at the box office. Oddly it found it's audience with home video and cable airings.

The comedy and horror in the film don't mix that well. Which sucks cause the premise is a great idea. But lots of Piscopo's one liners fall flat. Mostly cause they happen during scenes where we are suppose to be scared. Maybe if the gore factor was turned up a few notches this film would have worked better. Look at Peter Jackson's Dead/Alive. It has you laughing while at the same time grossed out.

Whoever did the FX work in this film did a great job. You got lots of puppets. A pile of well done practical effects. 

Dead Heat gets a B-.

31 Days of Horror 2020 Day 29 Idle Hands

 

TITLE-Idle Hands

SOURCE-Columbia Pictures DVD

Back in the spring of 99 a kinda now forgotten horror/comedy came out. The studio was thinking,well we got Devon Sawa(remember back when he was a name actor?),Seth Green and Jessica Alba.This movie is gonna be huge.Then the movie flopped at the box office,not even making 5 million in ticket sales. But became a kinda cult hit on home video and it's many airings on Cable tv.

I skipped this in the theater. Mostly cause I have never thought Jessica Alba could act. She is a nice looking lady. But has so little acting talent. It was 2000 when a friend rented Idle Hands. I watched it laughed a few times. And really until last year when I heard that Scream Factory was putting it out on Blu Ray that I thought about the film again. Skip ahead to early this summer. Was at the only remaining thrift store in town. And there was a pile of never opened DVDs. Figured "Hey I kinda remember Idle Hands being ok. It's worth dropping 50 cents for."

Devon Sawa is our lead. He is a slacker and with his two friends spends most of his time getting high. Devon's hand get possessed and it is up to him,his friends and Jessica Alba to stop it.

The FX work isn't bad. The acting is decent,well beside Alba. The film looks and sounds decent. But it never rises about being just average as fuck. This feels like a film that with either a better script and/or some better actors it would have been huge. But since it didnt have those it is a minor cult hit.

Idle Hands is worth seeing on say Netflix/Amazon Prime video or Hulu. Or if you find it cheap. But I wouldn't pay more than 5 bucks for this on Blu or a buck for the DVD.

Idle Hands gets a C-.

31 Days of Horror 2020 Day 05 Zombieland

TITLE-Zombieland
SOURCE-Netflix Streaming Service

I know I know I should have reviewed this years ago. Honestly I had forgotten about this movie until the sequel came out last year.

Jesse Eisenberg is trying to survive a zombie outbreak. Through out the film he is giving us his rules for surviving in Zombieland. Most of which are pretty good. I also like how they worked Amber Heard into the film.

Not that far into the film Jesse meets Woody Harrelson. Woody is a bad ass. Has a truck full of weapons. And is on the search for a Hostess Twinkie. And at first Woody seems to be a one note character. But thankfully  thru out the film Woody's backstory gets fleshed out. And by the end of the film you feel for the guy and all he has been thru.

During a trip into a grocery store,with Jesse looking for supplies and Woody on the hunt for Twinkies,they run into two sisters. Played by Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin. These two trick Woody and Jesse. They steal the guys' car. But not long after this all four of them team up.

They have all heard that there is a amusement park on the west coast that is free from zombies. So they start heading out west. Once they are out west they end up running into Bill Murray,who is playing Bill Murray. Seems he has hidden out in his huge home. And will go out for supplies while he is done up as a zombie.

Sadly Bill dies. And our gang of misfits makes it to the amusement park. The girls go off to ride a ride and Woody is on his hunt for Twinkies. Then the zombie invade.

This movie is a great blend of drama/horror/comedy. For every scene that makes you laugh there is one that makes you feel for the various characters.  The FX work is pretty damn good. And I am still surprised it took 10 years for a sequel to this movie to be made. I know that a few years back Amazon Prime Video did a pilot for a Zombieland tv show. But they got none of the original cast back. And the pilot bombed.

Zombieland gets a A-.

31 Days of Horror 2020 Day 04 Scary Movie

TITLE-Scary Movie
SOURCE-Netflix streaming service

Was looking for a horror/comedy to watch. Saw Netflix had this and I haven't seen it since it hit home video what 2 decades ago.

The movie is pretty much a spoof of Scream. Anna Faris is our lead. And I will give her this she is good at comedy. The rest of the cast is ok. With Shannon Elizabeth being a stand out. And Carmen Electra does great with what is pretty much a cameo,Carmen is pretty much Drew Barrymore in Scream. Sadly the younger two Wayans Brothers are in this. Marlon is ok. But Shawn is horrible. He should have stuck to being a DJ on his older brother's show.

Now being a horror/comedy there isn't a bunch of gore in the movie. But there is plenty of gross out scenes. Like when Shawn Wayans is in the bathroom at a movie theater. He spots a gloryhole and sticks his ear up to it. So of course a penis comes thru the hole and goes through Shawn's ear and comes out the other ear.

Really the best parts of the film happen near the beginning and near the end. The part when the killer stabs Carmen Electra in her breast and a breast implant is caught on the knife is pretty funny.  Then the reveal at the end that Doofy,a even dumber version of David Arquette's Dewey character,is the killer was a surprise.

Sadly this franchise was whored out until no one wanted to see it anymore. And after the second film it went from being a horror/comedy parody to being just a "Hey remember this film? Yea isn't it so funny that we also remember that film". The same trap that sadly too many parody films fall into.

Scary Movie gets a B-.

31 Days of Horror Day 28 Zombies VS Strippers

TITLE-Zombies vs Strippers
SOURCE-The Dead Walking 10 movie DVD set from Echo Bridge

Yea I grabbed this set back months ago. Friend of a friend works at a tiny pawn shop in a tiny town east of me. Tells us that as long as we buy at least 10 bucks worth we can get dvds/blu rays for a buck each. So we went one day and got all kinds of stuff. Grabbed this set mostly cause it was 10 films for a buck and Zombies Vs Strippers sounded like it would be either so bad it was good or just straight up trash.

First off Echo Bridge put 5 films on each single sided DVD. So these movies are heavily compressed. It looks like those vhs rips to DVD-r you would see SumGuy selling at cons in 2003 thru 2005. Watchable and the audio is clear,but it isn't crisp and someimes the sound is a bit muffled.

I start the film see it is not long,1 hour and 15 minutes,and it is from Full Moon. Which means it is either gonna be boring and not worth watching. Or cheesy as fuck and somewhat entertaining. Thankfully it is the latter.

A shitty strip club,the Tough Titty,is about to close. This is the last night it is open,cause the owner has sold the land and building. Then some zombies invade.

A group of survivalist end up in the club. Which adds some action. But yea there isn't much to this really short film. Tits,short bursts of low budget action and a few laughs.

Oddly Full Moon got no one known for this film. Well outside of the actor who has played Hambo in a few of the modern Full Moon films. He has a cameo in this.

The gore effects aren't bad. Some are practical some are digital. And both are cheaply done but not at the level of say a Made for SYFY movie.

I was surprised at the lack of nudity in the film. I figured it being Full Moon they would go all out. But nope.

There is a stand out scene near the end. The bouncer has been infected and is having sex with one of the strippers when he turns into a zombie. SHe doesn't realize this and gets bit. So a bit later our two leads,the sleazy strip club owner and the lead brunette stripper,bust in on the two zombies banging away!!

Not long after this a flood of zombies invade the club and in  a scene I am sure Charles Band ripped off from Return of the Living Dead Part 2 well... Just look at the pic below.

Michael Jackson Thriller era zombie appears LOL. And the black stripper,named Vanilla,of course makes a comment about this.

For a modern era Full Moon film this isn't bad. The low budget is very obvious. But the fx work isn't as bad as most modern Full Moon movies. The acting is a hair above what you normally get from a newer Charles Band film. What surprised me is how little nudity there is in the film. It being about strippers,set at a strip club and coming from Full Moon I was expecting piles of at least topless nudity. I mean it isn't like there is no nudity,but there is way way less than I expected. I do like how Band is inserting tiny things in most of the newer Full Moon movies to show they all happen in the same cinematic universe.

As far as I know this is the third stripper vs zombies film made in the US. There is Zombie Strippers,which I reviewed a few years back. That one has Robert Englund and Jenna Jameson. Then there is Zombie Zombie Zombies. Haven't seen this yet.

Zombies vs Strippers gets a C-.

31 Days of Horror Day 23 Dracula Dead and Loving It

TITLE-Dracula Dead and Loving It
SOURCE-DVD

As of this writing this is the last film directed by Mel Brooks. And sadly this film was a bomb and seems to be fairly hated.

Like how Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein was a homage and parody of the Universal Frankenstein films this film is a homage and parody of Universal's Dracula with Bela Lugosi.

Sure the film is a bit silly. But then it fits in perfectly with all the other screwball parodies of that era. Stuff like Hot Shots or the Naked Gun films. Speaking of Naked Gun,Dracula Dead and Loving It has Leslie Nelson as the lead. And the rest of the cast is a good mixture of known actors/actresses. People like Steven Webber,Amy Yasbeck and Harvey Korman.

What surprised me the first time I saw this movie was how bloody it is. Sure the blood letting is played for laughes. But wow the amount of blood in this film is a bit surprising.

I love how Mel Brooks was smart and targeted the over-rated Bram Stroker's Dracula film. I have never understood why Coppla's Dracula film is considered a good film. Honestly I rather watch Dracula Dead and Loving It than Bram Stroker's Dracula.

If you enjoyed movies like Airplane or Naked Gun and like horror movies this is a film that you gotta see. So far there is no Blu Ray release. But the DVD ,while out of print,isn't hard to find for cheap.

Dracula Dead and Loving It gets a B-.

31 Days of Horror Day 09 Reanimator Academy

TITLE-Reanimator Academy
SOURCE-Kings of Horror Youtube channel


The VHS cover above is the same one I saw in my late teens at Pharmor Video. Back then  Pharmor had a great deal. You could get 6 vhs for 3 days for 3 bucks. I had already watched all the known horror movies Pharmor had. Saw the cover for Reanimator Academy and figured fuck it I will rent this.For some reason when I rented the movie I didn't get a chance to watch it. I can't remember why. I returned the movies and not long after that Pharmor closed.

Skip ahead to earlier this year. I was starting to gather stuff to watch for 31 days of horror. And as I have the past 3 years I went and checked the Kings of Horror Youtube channel to see if they had anything I wanted to see. Saw Reanimator Academy and ripped it. Tossed it on a flash drive. Then earlier today plugged that flash drive into my old trusty Blu Ray player and started up a film I had been wanting to watch since 1992...

This film is putrid.  It is barely over an hour. And still feels so padded out. Going in I was expecting some gore,maybe some 90s style nudity and maybe a undiscovered classic.....

I got none of the three. The gore is almost non-existent. There was no nudity that I remember. And I see why this film is never talked about. It is bad. Bad acting,bad FX work and bad dialogue.

A nerdy member of a frat has created a formula that revives the dead. Two mobsters,who look and talk like gangsters in the old Looney Tunes shorts,have to revive their boss's hooker. And we get a revived skull that cracks lots of bad jokes.

I don't mind low budget horror. But only if you can tell whoever made the film was trying their best and are fans of the horror genre. This film feels like the people behind the scenes didn't even  try. And the plot feels more like a crime drama than a horror film.

Anyways if you really want  to see this pile of donkey shit...here it is in full on Youtube.

Reanimator Academy gets a F+.

31 Days of Horror Day 06 Bunks

Title-Bunks
Source-Netflix Streaming

I have always loved movies about summer camps. Ernest Goes to Camp,the 4 Meatballs films even stuff like Sleepaway Camp 3..so when I was looking around on Netflix and saw there was  a summer camp meets zombies movie I added it to my list.

Made up in Canada,with I think some funding from The Disney Channel,this made for TV horror/comedy it tame enough to show to pretty much anyone. And just entertaining enough to keep you from getting bored.

Two brothers are being sent to a "Boot" Camp since they set fire to their home with a rocket...that they bought by stealing their mom's credit card. Just so happens that the pick up spot for the military camp is also the pick up spot for Camp Bushwack. By using some Zach Morris level jedi mind tricks the brothers switch places with two counselors from Bushwack.

Cause of various shenanigans the brothers end up in an old abandoned cabin. Where years ago a kid disappeared. They find a book of scary stories. Stories that they tell around the camp fire that night. And the various stories start to come true.

Now sure this doesn't have gore or much violence. And it isn't scary. But it is a nice blending of horror tropes with made for kids summer camp comedies. One drawback to the film is the two leads are kinda one note. You could replace them with say Ernest,it works he already went to camp,and the film would still work. Hell it might even be better.

With the new Disney streaming service who knows if this made for Disney CHannel,but not owned by Disney,film will stay on Netflix. But if it is still up it is worth watching. It's barely 1 hour 21 minutes and fairly entertaining.Plus how often do you get to see a zombie movie aimed at kids? Bunks gets a C+.

31 Days of Horror 2016 Day 10 Prom Night 3 The Last Kiss

Title-Prom Night III The Last Kiss
Source-IVE VHS

Sure I own this on DVD,got the pack with parts 3 and 4. But the version of 3 on that pack is the edited for TV version. As far as I know the only way to get Prom Night III unedited is either the above pictured VHS or you will have to track down the hard as hell to find Australian released DVD.

I was surprised to see that this film is actually connected to the second film. Which is a bit odd since part 2 had almost nothing to do with the original.

The film starts off with Mary Lou escaping hell. She goes back to her old high school. And uses her good looks to get a dumb teen to help he hide all the bodies. And there is plenty of bodies cause Mary Lou keeps killing people.

It is obvious that whoever wrote this movie was a fan of the Elm Street series. Like Freddy after part 3,Mary Lou makes horrible jokes after each kill. And the entire film has this dream like feel to it.

So is it worth tracking down the VHS to see this movie the way it was meant to be seen?I saw yes. This is the second best of the Prom Night franchise,with only part 2 being better. Just go in expecting a horror/comedy and you are good.

Prom Night III the Last Kiss gets a B-.

31 Days of Horror 2016 Film 01 Transylvania Twist

TITLE-Transylvania Twist
SOURCE-VHS

I use to always get this horror/comedy mixed up with the horror/comedy Transylvania 6500.With the passing of Angus Scrimm I have been trying to watch every film he was in. And managed to track down a copy of this movie.

What we get is a parody film in the style of Airplane or Naked Gun. Not in the style of the Scary Movie series. So the humor doesn't rely way too much on the audience going "Oh yea I remember that film."

The cast is what saves this film from being just another small release late 80s horror movie. You got Teri Copley as the lead. Angus Scrimm playing the Tall Man again. And in a nice touch Boris Karloff shows up. Using footage from what I assume is the Terror.

I have no idea how hard finding a copy of this film would be. But I wouldn't pay more than $5 for it. While it is funny. It is nothing that you should make a huge effort to get a copy of.

Transylvania Twist gets a C+

31 Days of Horror 2015 Day 08 Terror Firmer unrated Director's cut

Terror Firmer
Source-Unrated Director's cut 2 disc DVD

I have love Troma since when I first saw Toxic Avenger back in the 80s. So as soon as Netflix had Terror Firmer for rent I rented it. For a few years I would blind buy anything  Troma put out. But they had a 3 or 4 year long slump. So I switched to renting their stuff first to see if it was worth buying. And Terror Firmer was. But the only versions I could find locally for sale were used and looked to be in bad shape. So I figured if I waited I would find a decent copy for a good price.

I didn't know at the time I would be waiting 11 years. Yep 11 years. At the 2014 Coastcon,I was at this one dealer's table. She always has a great selection of new and used DVDs and Blu rays. I am standing there chatting with her. We found out the year before we have a mutual friend. When I saw Terror Firmer in her bins. And it was still sealed. "I am asking $8 for it since it sounds like one of the discs is loose." I shook the case heard a disc rattling around. But figured it wouldn't be too scratched up to play. Plus since it was still sealed that meant it would have the Terror Firmer mini poster. I paid her for it and the other things I was buying. And opened it up to see if there was any damage to the loose DVD. Nope not even a tiny scratch.

Set on the set of a low budget film,Terror Firmer is in some ways a film version of  Kaufman's first book on how to make a movie. There is some lady killing off people involved in the film. Add in the normal issues on the set of a low budget film and you get all kinds of mayhem.

The cast is pretty damn good for a Troma film. You got Debbie Rochon as the diva actress,Lloyd Kaufman playing a version of himself as the blind director,and then there is Will Keenan and Trent Haaga. I had seen Keenan in Tromeo and Juliet. And Haaga I had seen in a few Full Moon movies. Both are good actors and really shine in this film

The FX are also pretty damn good for a modern Troma movie. And thankfully there is no CGI. There is even a few scenes where Haaga,who plays the FX guy in the film,explains how they do a few of the FX.

Now of course with this being unrated and a Troma film that means it is loaded up with gore,nudity and plenty of non-PC stuff. If this film had been sent to the MPAA it would have gotten an NC 17.

The 2 discs of this set are loaded with extras. The movie has 2 commentaries. Both of which are worth listening too. And there is a great Easter egg. Where you will be shown the R rated version of the film. When it comes to a scene that had to be cut to get an R rating,Lloyd shows up on screen and describes  what is going on. The second disc has a really long and really good documentary on the making of Terror Firmer. Which is almost as entertaining as the film is.

Terror Firmer gets a B+.

31 Days of Horror 2015 Day 06 Black Sheep

Black Sheep
Source-Dimension Extreme Unrated DVD

Back when the Weinsteins started up the Dimension Extreme label because the films were usually cheap I grabbed everyone of them I found. And Black Sheep turned out to be the best of all the ones I grabbed.

Set in the rural areas of New Zealand,this is  a tale of mutated flesh eating sheep. Yeah sheep.Once a guy who is afraid of sheep comes back to sell his share of the family farm the shit hits the fan.Seems his brother has been performing genetic experiments on the sheep.

This is a nice combo of creature feature plus the gore/comedy stuff Peter Jackson use to do. To offset all the gore there is so much humor in this movie. And the humor is what makes this stand out. When this came out the DTV market was flooded with piles of modern creature features that had subpar CGI for the creatures. Black Sheep has decently done CGI and some great practical FX work.

The DVD has a nice amount of extras. We get some deleted scenes that can be watched with or without commentary. A film long commentary with writer/director Jon King and actor Nathan Meister. And a halfway decent making of Black Sheep featurette. IIRC this DVD was $7.50 brand new and is totally worth that price.

Black Sheep gets a B.