I have known of the low budget slasher series Camp Blood for close to 20 years now. Never watched any of them. Mostly cause I never see the DVDs for sale in any store.
Was scrolling through TUBI,the modern day mom & Pop Video store,and had a friend messge me "Go to TUBI watch Camp Blood 8". Knowing her taste in horror is similar to mine I put on the movie.
2 hours later,stopped 2 times to get a snack and go piss,I had finally seen a Camp Blood movie. Did some research and found out that there is more than 8,some were not numbered. And almost all of them are on Tubi.
Camp Blood is rural area filled with woods. Once years ago a man in clown make up roamed the woods killing whoever was in them. But he is gone,replaced by his son who just wears a clown mask and the son's insane mother.
A bus bringing a Girls Beach Volleyball team to Salt Lake City breaks down. And we got our ladies wandering the woods.
2 of them find what looks to be an abandoned warehouse. Another gets captured and tied to an ottoman in Clownmask's living room. Where she is forced to make up songs about the mother's tits and ass. And another two run into Coolduder,YT personality,who lives in a cabin and is a survivalist.
Maybe 10 minutes into the movie we find out that Clownmask has a sister that was abandoned in the woods. At first I was thinking the asian lady that is in the warehouse was this sister all grown up. Nope turns out it is the volleyball girl in Coolduder's cabin.
But right when it looks like the sister is gonna do a heel turn Clownmask shows up and kills her.
The kills are bloody but cheap. The acting is either ok or horrid. Even with all these flaws I had a blast watching this.
Plus even without seeing the previous films I didn't have trouble keeping up with this one. Seems there is a bit of Camp Blood lore in this franchise. Thankfully the scenes with the mother and the girl tied to the ottoman answered the few questions I had.
Yep Tubi,the place that got The Asylum to jump ship from Syfy Channel. The place where odds are pretty good any given movie you half remember from seeing at 2am when you were drunk is on it or will be in a few weeks.
Was on TUBI looking for something to watch, Saw the above poster and the 2023 release date and after a quick look at IMDB,where I confirmed no one in this did much else,I started the movie.
The lead has been single for a bit. His previous fianace left him for another man. So he now rarely leaves his home. He works from home. A friend of his tells him about this service for android maids. Yea Rosie from Jetsons but HOT. And this is set in the modern time.
The friend hints the company behind this service is a bit shady. And everytime the lead asks about the cost he just gets told "you can afford it"
He gets sent the lady on the poster,Mako. And fairly quickly he is going from booking her for 4 hours every few days to 8 hours every day to wanting her to stay. This requires a charging station be added to his closet. Seems Mako can only operate for 8 hours,then takes 8 hours to charge.
The first night when he goes to bed he puts Mako to sleep mode and on charge. And she starts to have nightmare about a previous client. Who tortured her. Cause why not she aint a human she is a robot.
Yep this droid is gonna start trying to kill our lead. What sets her off ,besides the nightly dreams of torture,is when the ex fianace gets back in touch.
Oddly this was way better than I expected. The poster and trailer made it appear to be more like a "Vista Street" era Witchcraft film. Sure it has nudity and sex scenes. They are all short and the acting is actually decent.
The gore was better than I expected. With the kills near the end being way harsher than you normally see in a low budget film of this sub genre.
TITLE-Evil Bong High 5
SOURCE-Tubi TV streaming service
Well at least this time the movie is over an hour. Which I hope means we get a full plot. Rabbit,Larnell,Sarah and Velicity are stuck in Bong World. But Rabbit thinks he has figured a way out. He has created a new way of life called Nothing Head. When he empty's his mind he has access to great powers.
But before he can use his new powers to escape the Bong World,EeBee shows up and says she is sending Larnell,Rabbit and Gingerdead Man to the real world. Where they have to make a shitpile of money in a short amount of time. If they don't EeBee's evil women,played by Pornstar Skin Diamond and some generic looking blonde lady,will pleasure Sarah and Velicity to death.
Now back in the real world Larnell,Rabbit and Gingerdead Man open up a headshop,kinda like Larnell and the guys had in part 3. And try to make the money by selling EeBee's magic weed.
This just leads to various people coming in to buy weed and what amounts to short skits. We get appearances from Hambo,Joe Cracker,The Gook and his lady and others.
The guys,well 2 guys and a killer animated cookie,don't make the money in time. But Rabbit manages to use his new powers to stop EeBee. And it ends setting us up for the next installment of what is now Full Moon's second biggest franchise,of course Puppet Master is their biggest franchise
Ok so this is better than the previous film. But it ain't great. Pretty much unless you just gotta see every Full Moon film I would say stream this on Tubi TV or maybe luck into a DVD copy for cheap.
Just like the last Evil Bong film a good chunk of this movie feels like an advertisment for the Full Moon website.
TITLE-Evil Bong 420
SOURCE-Tubi TV Streaming service
Earlier this year I learned that you can use a free program and download the movies/tv shows off Tubi TV. This way you can not only watch them at times you don't have internet access but you get the bonus of no ads.
For those that don't know Tubi TV,found online at Tubi.TV, is a free streaming app. It is loaded with piles of movies that fans of cult/horror/sci fi would enjoy seeing. The films are usually uncut but you do get short ad breaks during the films. Never more than say 8 minutes of ads in your normal 1&1/2 hour long film.
So I had been wanting to watch some of the newer Full Moon films. Saw Tubi had a Full Moon channel. And that channel had all 8 films in the Evil Bong franchise. Having already seen Evil Bong 1 thru 3 I figured that Evil Bong 420 would be the next one to watch...I was wrong.
Seems I should have watched Evil Bong vs Gingerdead Man before Evil Bong 420.But really this is a Evil Bong film I wasn't lost or confused for very long.
After escaping from Bong World,and bringing some of EeBee's magic weed,Rabbit opens up the Lickey Splits Topless bowling alley. This bowling alley is the same one that Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl Bowl a Rama movie,and this piece of trivia was pointed out during David Decoutou's short cameo.
Rabbit's big idea to make money has two big points. First off he has hired 3 ladies to be the waitresses.
One of them refuses to be topless,which doesn't make sense with it being a TOPLESS Bowling alley. And another of the waitress is the gorgeous Sam Aotaki,best known from her lead role in the modern cult classic Asian School Girls,a great rape/revenge film made by The Asylum.Second point is Rabbit has two options for the bowlers. First off is the standard renting of shoes and a lane. The other option is "The Gutterball" which gets you a lane to bowl and bowling shoes,plus Rabbit puts a bag of EeBee's magic weed in one of the bowling shoes.
Opening night the bowling alley has a decent crowd. With a few of them being the humans the Bad Ass Dolls,introduced in the Full Moon Film Ooga Booga,are based on. So we get to see modern Full Moon characters like Joe Cracker,who pisses off Ooga Booga by stealing money from a black couple.The Gook,who is there bowling with his girlfriend,and I am pretty sure Butt Pirate made a small cameo.
Larnell,who appears to have taken over as the lead since Alistar quit after the 3rd film,and Sarah,played by the uber talented and funny Robin Sydney,come in to bowl.And this is when we learn that while in Bong World,Rabbit has become the Macguyver of weed stuff. Sarah starts getting mad at Larnell. So Rabbit whips out the Weed Blower. A modified leaf blower that shoots out highly concentrated burst of weed smoke. This calms Sarah down and we go straight to the next kinda unconnected plot piece.
Hambo comes into the bowling alley.Yep Hambo from Ooga Booga.He thinks since "Dem Kids are into Retro. They will want pics with Ole Hambo and want to buy my BADASSDOLLS!"
All the stuff with Hambo feels like padding plus Charles Band wanting to advertise the Full Moon Website. They even throw across the bottom of the screen the url where you can buy the Bad ASS DOLLS!
I am wondering where this film is going? So far it feels more like a Evil Bong TV show and we just keep getting the opening arch of stories. I looked to see how much time was left and see the entire film is only 53 minutes !!! WTF Charles Band. I know in the last 15 years Full Moon has started making their films 65 minutes to 78 minutes long. But this is under an hour!!. I went after finishing the movie and timed how long the opening and closing credits are...between the two sets of credits 7 minutes or so of screen time is used up. So that means the film is really just 45 or so minutes long.
Out of nowhere and never really explained why or how The Gingerdead man shows up from Bong World. He ends up hooking up with one of the waitresses. And we get a scene of GingerDead Man having sex with this lady... Oh and I should mention now how cheap the puppet effects are. Ooga Booga,who shows up twice,looks like someone is right off camera shaking him around. With Gingerdead Man his mouth is superimposed on him,kinda like how that old cartoon Clutch Cargo was.
Well it kinda being a horror movie we need some deaths. Which happens after Joe Cracker steals money from the black couple bowling by him. Ooga Booga hides out in the ball return. And when Cracker goes to find his ball,Ooga stabs Joe in the eye.
Rabbit keeps going around blasting people with the Weed Blower,which we find out is full of EeBee's magic weed. And pretty soon everyone is high off EeBee's magic weed. EeBee shows up. Is pissed.And since everyone has smoked her magic weed she uses her powers to bring Larnell,Rabbit,Sarah and some blonde lady that i guess was added to the series in Evil Bong vs Gingerdead man.
And the movie ends. Yep like I have said this feels more like the opening segments of a few different episodes of the nonexistant Evil Bong tv show.
Man I was hoping this would be like the previous 3 Evil Bong films. Sure they weren't amazing but they were a ok way to kill an hour and change and I would laugh at least a few times.
Evil Bong 420 made me laugh once. It feels like Charles Band and Full Moon took a film and cut it into two movies. Like what Lloyd Kaufman did with Toxic Avenger 2 and 3. There is really no conflict in this movie. No real plot. It feels more like a way for Band to add even more Full Moon franchises to the Evil Bong universe. Almost like Band is seeing how the MCU is a huge success and he is making a Full Moon Cinematic Universe. But since these films don't play cinemas would this instead be the Full Moon Streaming Universe?
Well I said I wanted to see all the Evil Bong films,and while this one was crap(well besides getting to see the gorgeous Sam Aotaki) cause of how it ended I am gonna watch Evil Bong High 5 soon.
TITLE-Witchcraft XVI Hollywood Coven
SOURCE-TubiTV streaming service
A few years ago I learned that a company had gotten the rights to the Witchcraft franchise and was making a new film. So I waited and waited to hear more news on Witchcraft 14. Then a bombshell piece of news dropped...the new company was going to film 3 Witchcraft films back to back! FUCK YEA we are going to get 3 more subpar horror/softcore porn combo films.
So I kept checking Netflix and all the other places I rented/bought dvds from. And never saw Witchcraft 14 for sale or rent. By early 2019 I had given up on seeing these 3 new Witchcraft films. Not sure why I love this franchise so much. All the films are shit. But still for some unknown reason I feel the need to see and own every film from the series.
Earlier this year I was looking for a new horror film to watch. Looked through the selection on Netflix and Hulu and it was mostly crap. So I started looking at the free streaming services. Hoping maybe one of them might have a hidden gem. Then on TubiTV I saw Witchcraft 16 Hollywood Coven. I figured since the previous films were rarely connected I could watch 16 before seeing 14 and 15 and not be lost...I was wrong.
Witchcraft XVI Hollywood Coven is set on a low budget horror film set. A crew is making Crystal Force 12.Crystal Force was a attempt by Vista Street to make another franchise like Witchcraft. But we only got 2 Crystal Force films. But in the reality of this film Crystal Force is a long running series.
The film starts off like most of the Witchcraft films since part 10,with a pre-credits sex scene. Yep get to see some boobies and ass before we even know who is in the film. After what feels like 20 minutes of the most boring softcore sex scene I have seen the credits start. They go on FOREVER and feel like who ever created them was a huge fan of the tv shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Charmed.
After the credits the story proper starts. A crew of people is making a low budget horror flick. And somehow by making the film they bring back the spirits of some long dead witches...WHAT THE FUCK! Witchcraft XVI is ripping off the plot of Witchcraft 11. But instead of a communtiy college production of Macbeth we get a low budget film crew making a shitty horror sequel.
Then when I thought the film couldn't be anymore shit they figure out a way to be shittier. Two of the crew members are having a date. So they go to watch Crystal Force 9. And we get footage from Witchcraft 11. And it isn't just say 30 seconds to a minute of reused footage. Nope we get most of Witchcraft 11's pre credits sex scene. Then it skips ahead to the polterguiest attack scene from near the end of 11. To make this part of the film even more horrid it cuts back to the two crew members watching the film. And the male actor well...he is the worst actor I have seen in low budget horror. No emotion. Very little facial expressions. Plus it appears he is reading his lines off cue cards being held just off camera.
The rest of the film is 5 minutes of plot followed by 10 minute long badly shot and acted softcore sex scenes. The FX work in the non-sex scene parts is bad. I swear we did better FX work back in 92 when I got my first camcorder. Hell we had better actors.
While I love modern tech in someways I hate it. Like how I waited until 2004 to finally get a cellphone. And even now 14 years later I still got a fliphone.. Not a smartphone. Hell for years I didn't want a tablet computer. I had a desktop and a laptop and was happy. Then I got a good tablet for cheap and discovered how useful it can be. Kinda nice to have a device that fits in my pocket that is loaded up with piles of books,comics,movies,cartoons and TV shows. Plus cause of it I have discovered all kinds of free streaming services.
Sure every one knows about Netflix and Hulu. But how many of y'all know of TubiTV? It is a free streaming service. Were you get uncut movies and TV shows. The only drawback is about every 30 minutes you will get 2 or 3 thirty second long ads. So not a bad trade off. TubiTV has piles of stuff. And on evenings when it isn't hot I will go sit on my back porch and find something to watch on TubiTV.
It was months back I had the house to myself and didn't feel like sitting inside watching whatever crap airs on TV. So I filled up a big glass of iced tea,grabbed my tablet and my dog and I went to sit on the back porch. I was scrolling thru the recently added movies section on TubiTV when I saw Satan's Storybook. I did a double take cause I was sure I had seen the cover before and was sure the blonde on it was a 80s era Ginger Lynn aka Ginger Lynn Allen. I knew the cover and film title sounded familiar but didn't know why. I started up the film and saw that it is a very low budget DTV horror from 1989.
It was about halfway thru the film,during one of the ad breaks,that I realized why I knew the cover. For at least a year maybe more,in Fangoria there would be a quarter page ad advertising this movie. The ad played up the fact that it had the first non-porno role for Ginger Lynn Allen. Who IIRC was dating Charlie Sheen at the time. And the company selling the VHS wanted 29.95 plus shipping for it. Now for years I had seen the ad and wanted to see the movie. But figured I would never get a chance.
I looked online and the movie has so far only gotten a VHS release. Kinda surprised Code Red,Slasher Video or Massacre Video or hell Bleeding Skull hasn't released this on DVD or Blu Ray yet. VHS copies go for stupid prices. I am guessing not that many people bought a copy back in the day.And I never saw it for rent in any video store.
The story is fairly simple. Ginger plays some kind of Angelic ninja. The first scene is Ms Allen dressed up as a white ninja fighting off a bunch of black ninjas. While trying to save a gothic looking lady. We find out the goth lady is Satan's bride. And Ginger is there to stop the wedding so she can prevent the birth of the AntiChrist.
After this we switch to Satan in a throne. He is mad that his woman has been kidnapped. So to cheer him up Hell's jester shows up to tell Satan a few stories. Yep this is a horror anthology.
That is Satan. A guy in a goat mask with furry pants. Whoever made the movie must have gotten some fog machines cheap. Cause everytime we see Satan there is piles of fog.
The first story is "Demon of Death". About a 80s era serial killer. He dresses like your typical late 80s metalhead. And picks names at random out of the phone book. Then goes and kills the person he picked.Then at random he picks a girl who has ESP and her mother is a witch. Our killer gets gunned down but doesn't die. So is put on death row. And we get a trite as fuck twist ending.
The second story is about a drunk ass clown. Who kills himself. After what feels like an hour of boring dialogue we find out the clown is in hell. Yeah this story sucks.
Ginger is wandering around the woods with Satan's bride with her. They get surrounded by a bunch of people in whatever slightly Satanic looking stuff Party City had marked at 70% off the day after Halloween. During this battle Ginger just disappears. And we find out that Satan's bride now doesn't want to have a kid. Cut back to Ginger bathed in red light and surrounded by fog. And she implies that we will get a sequel.
It was more than likely 89 or 90 when I first saw the ad for this movie in Fangoria. And so it has been right at 30 years that I have been wanting to see it. So while it was kick ass I finally got to see a film I had never seen and thought I would never get to see,plus I saw it for free. The movie sucks ass. The only good parts are well Ginger looks great,the goat mask Satan wears is well done and the one evil clown in the second story is actually a bit scary. Besides that the movie was a waste of 90 or so minutes.
Now if you want to see this pile of shit,and why would you,well I haven't checked to see if it is still on TubiTV. TubiTV has a habit of cycling out stuff at random. You can find the full movie on Youtube. That way you can watch this minor piece of DTV horror history for free.
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