31 Days of horror Day 8

Masters of Horror Dreams in the Witch House

Source-Anchor Bay retail release DVD

Again thanks to Netflix being a shithead I ended up changing what I was gonna review today. Luckily what was supposed to be here today is gonna be here tomorrow. Masters of Horror was a TV series that aired on Showtime for 2 seasons. Each Director was told to make an hour long short film,and not to worry about being censored. Stuart Gordon,who is a well known H P Lovecraft fan, based his short on the Lovecraft story "Dreams in the Witch House." College student Walter Gilman moves into a house that is used as a boarding house. He meets his neighbor who is a single mom with a very young baby. Then that night he starts seeing very weird things in the corners of his room,lots of geometric shapes and other stuff that looks kinda like stuff I saw in my 9th grade geometry class. The next day he is laying in his bed resting and a rat runs up on the bed,but this is no ordinary rat this rat has a human face. And it can talk. Walter starts seeing more and more strange things,and he has a dream where he tries to sacrifice the other tenant's baby. Turns out the witch,who lives inside the walls of the home,wants to be reborn and is gonna try to use the baby to facilitate that. I don't wanna spoil this very interesting story anymore so I will stop there. The effects are pretty good for something that is on a TV budget,and the acting while not the best is better than most television level acting. Stuart Gordan is really good at keeping you off kilter and keeping a sense of dread building. This is a A-,would have been higher but it was a little too short.

31 Days of horror Day 7

Night of the Demons III aka Demon House

Source-Bootleg DVD that is a rip of a German DVD release

I can remember seeing the original Night of the Demons years ago,and really enjoying it. So when I found part III ,which isn't out on Region 1 DVD, for cheap I had to get it. Weirdly I purchased this DVD back in 2004,but until earlier tonight I had never watched it. Film starts out with a cop checking out Hell House,a former mortuary. He encounters Angela,the lead villain from part 1,and he is quickly killed. Cut to a semi-mousy looking teen and her best friend the head cheerleader. They are discussing what they want to do tonight,since it is Halloween. Another quick cut and we meet a group of 5 late teens,all driving around aimlessly in a van. It is the usual assortment of horror movie teens,IE nerdy guy,tough guy who happens to look like the lead singer from nickelback,his current slut,tough guy that isn't as tough as he acts,and token black guy. While driving around the back roads they see that mousy girl and the cheerleader have broken down. They stop and offer them a ride to the big school dance. But before they get there tough guy makes then stop at the corner gas station. While inside token black guy tries to use his older brother's ID to buy some beer. An argument starts. And then the gas station attendant pulls a shotgun on him. Tough guy grabs the shotgun,and right at that moment 2 cops walk into the store. Tough guy accidentally shoots one of the cops,who flies out the window. And token black guy is also shot. All 7 of the teens flee the gas station,and since they think they have killed a cop,they try to think of a place to hideout till they can come up with a plan. Of course they end up at Hell House. Not long after arriving there they meet Angela. And one by one Angela takes their souls. Token black guy gets run over by the van,and comes back as a mutilated zombie. Tough guy's slut has her left arm change into a snake. Nerdy guy gets a devil head. Mousy girl turns into a half cat half slut. So the only two left are cheerleader and not so tough guy. Turns out they both have been harboring a secret crush on each other since the beginning of school. They are trying to escape with the help of another cop that has shown up,when tough guy walks out of the house with a gun to Angela's head. Not so tough guy shoots Angela in the face with the shotgun,and somehow tough guy ends up getting shot in his left eye. Which was a really well done piece of F/X. The cop goes up to distract Angela while the two teens try to leave the area. See a river runs underground around Hell House ,and demons can't cross running water. Angela ends up ripping out the cop's heart. and grabs cheerleader's arm as she is almost across the underground river. Not so tough guy grabs the cheerleader's other arm and manages to pull her and Angela across the line. This causes Angela to sorta explode and melt at the same time. The new kinda happy couple walk off and the movie ends. While not as good as the original,but really can anything top the "disappearing" lipstick gag? This is still a funny turn off your brain horror film. So it gets a B+ from me.

31 Days of horror Day 6

Boarding House

Source-Code Red DVD

Horrible horrible movie,even worse than Dawn of the living dead. Worse than anything Ed Wood put out. Guy inherits house,turns it into a Boarding house for slightly skanky looking females. Someone with telekinesis is killing off the girls. Even the abundant nudity can't save this huge pile of shit. Shot on video,and it shows,this movie was made back in the early 80's. And somehow was released to theaters. All the actors/actresses are worse than the worst little theater production. While watching this abortion of a movie,it felt like my brain was turning into liquid and pouring out my ears. I doubt that even Joel/Mike and the bots could save this waste of celluloid. Avoid at all costs. This gets a F-. I have seen more entertaining film on my dog's teeth.

31 Days of horror Day 5

Dawn of the Living Dead

Source-Retail DVD

Found this "gem" around this time last year at a local once a year flea market. It was still sealed and only cost me $3. Too bad I got ripped off for $2.99. I should have known better when the biggest names in the cast were Joe Estevez and Todd Bridges. It is your basic zombie movie,but for some reason you never see more than 3 zombies at anytime. Joe is the male lead and we are supposed to believe he is married to a woman that is half his age. Bridges has a very very small part as the local "crazy Ralph". Not sure if it's acting or Todd's love of crack,but it is very hard to understand what he is saying. And thanks to a lack of subtitles a lot of the dialogue is drowned out by the horrid musical score. Avoid this movie at all cost. I have a friend out in Texas that seems to love any horrid piece of shit horror movie,so I will be sending this to her as a X-mas gift. This gets an F-.

31 days of horror Day 4

Zombie Nightmare

Source-bootleg DVD from it's airing on MST3K

OK I was supposed to get this movie in on Saturday,but it didn't arrive. Then I realized I have on DVD the episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 that Zombie Nightmare aired on.

Movie starts with credits and Motorhead's "Ace of spades" playing,good way to start a movie in my opinion. The main star is this big muscle head named Jon Mikel Thor. About 7 minutes into the film Thor's dad dies,and we flash forward about 15 years. Now Thor is all grown up and seems to love playing baseball and wearing tank tops that show his nipples. Then we cut to a group of 5 Canadian Hair Metal fans. 3 guys 2 girls,One of the girls is a very young and super hot Tia Carrerre. Cut back to Thor,he goes to the local corner store to pick up some stuff. He goes to the back to use the bathroom,and while back there 2 punks come in and start robbing the place. Thor stops the robbery,and chases the punks out to the streets. While he is standing in the middle of the road yelling at the fleeing robbers he gets hit by a car driven by on of the 5 Canadian Hair Metal fans. This kills poor Thor,the car drives off quickly. And Thor is left dead in the street. The owner of the corner store calls Thor's mom and she arrives. His mom goes and gets the local Voodoo woman,who proceeds to turn Thor into Zombie Thor. Zombie Thor goes out each night and one by one kills each of the 5 CHMFs. The first guy he kills by breaking his neck,and he also kills the girl who isn't Tia,by pulping her head with his ever present baseball bat. The next morning the cops show up,and we get to see the coroner who sounds just like Burgess Meridith as the Penguin. The main cop goes back to the station house and goes to see the Captain. HOLY SHIT BATMAN!!!! the Captain is Adam West. Man you just know a movie is gonna be great when the biggest stars you can get are Adam West and Tia Carrere. The next night Zombie Thor shambles around and meets up with the guy who was driving the car that killed him. Zombie Thor impales this jackass on his baseball bat. The last guy left and Tia decided they must get outta town,but since they are both broken they will have to knock over a garage that is owned by a friend of theirs cousin. They arrive at the garage and last guy goes off to find the cash box,He runs into Zombie Thor who is now looking pretty ragged. Last Guy is killed but the kill wasn't shown. About this time main cop shows up and notices that Voodoo Woman is also there,he gets her to use her dark powers to open the garage door and he enters. Voodoo Woman shuts the door and waits outside. Adam West drives up and makes her get into his car. Inside the garage,main cop sees Zombie Thor smashing Tia's head up against a window until her brains ooze out. Since this is the last of the people that killed him Zombie Thor starts his long journey back to his grave. Main cop,Adam West,and Voodoo Woman also head towards the graveyard. When they get there Zombie Thor is just standing still on his grave. Adam West reveals that when he was younger he tried to rape Voodoo Woman. Then He shoots Zombie Thor,then he shoots Voodoo Woman. He is getting ready to shoot Main Cop ,but Zombie Thor comes up on him from behind and drags Adam down in the grave with him. Fade to black and the credits start to roll while some really bad metal plays. Man I get the feeling that without Mike,Tom Servo,and Crow in the bottom right corner this movie would have been a lot worse. But thanks to their rapid fire wit I managed to enjoy it. So the final grade is B-.

31 days of horror Day 3

Silent Night Deadly Night II

Source-Out of print Anchor Bay dvd

Ahh Silent Night Deadly Night II,the sequel that is mainly made up of footage from the first film. This one is about the little brother of the lead from part 1. After growing up semi-normal in a adopted family,lil bro finally snaps and proceeds to go on a rampage of violence. IIRC His first kill is in an alleyway in which he impales a guy on an umbrella. Next he hooks a preppy dickhead up to a battery charger,then he walks around the neighborhood randomly shooting people. This part is were the meme "Garbage Day!!!!" comes from. On this dvd there is a commentary from the producer and directer in which they explain that since at the time very very very few people had seen the original,they were told to use a lot of the footage from part 1. Basicly they used almost all the kills from part 1 but these are from an R rated cut so some of the kills are shorter than they should be. This film gets a lot of bad reviews since about half of it is nothing but scenes from the previous film. I actually like it,and don't seem to hate it as much as most people. I would have to give it a C+.

31 days of horror Day 2

The Devils

Source-Bootleg DVD which is a composite of the region 2 dvd with the 2 "Lost" scenes from an airing on BBC4.

Directed by Ken Russell back in the mid 70's,The Devils is a film that stirred up a heap of controversy when first released. It is a tale of a convent in France where alot of the nuns seem to be possessed. Up until a few years ago 2 different scenes that were cut from the film before it was released were thought to have been lost. I recently got a copy of the film with these two scenes reinstated. The most Infamous of the two is the "Rape of Christ" scene. In which a gaggle of nuns strip nude and proceed to pull a giant crucifix down and then start rubbing their nude body's all over the representation of Christ. This scene even to an staunch Atheist like me is still stunning too watch. Hopefully the full cut of this movie will be released on DVD in Region 1. Overall I would have to give this film an A-.

31 days of horror Day 1

It is simple I'm gonna watch one horror movie a night for 31 days.

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto

Source-Anchor Bay dvd

The long talked about Rob Zombie animated movie is here. Based on a comic I have never read,it is a mixture of all kinds of standard horror cliches. The story is simple and basic but works within the framework of the movie. El Superbeasto is a retired luchadore who along with his sister,Suzi X,fight crime in MonsterCity. What can you find wrong in a movie that has Zombie Nazis,Super Smart Ape Servants,and A stripper that uses her breasts as weapons? The animation reminds me alot of the Spumco style,with alot of extreme close ups,and very exaggerated movement. I ended up enjoying it,but wouldn't pay more than $10 for it. Overall it's a B-.

Forgotten Comic gems 01

Hellstorm Prince of lies was a series from Marvel comics that lasted 21 issues. Starting in April 1993 with Rafael Nieves writing and various artists,this series was in my opinion Marvel's attempt at a Vertigoish series. What always puzzled me is even with lots of violence and amoral actions this series still got a CCA seal. Nieves lasted as writer from issue 1 till issue 6. With issue 7 Len Kaminski took over the writing reins. Len lasted a total of 5 issues. The highlight from his run is a storyline where Hellstorm goes to hell and manages to defeat his father,who it turns out isn't Satan but just a high level demon. With this Hellstorm gains control of a region of hell,he is surprised to find souls in this region that to him don't seem to belong. So he takes them on a journey to Heaven. After a couple of adventures they make it to Heaven,where Hellstorm is shocked to learn that once you enter Heaven you loose all individuality and become one with this Borglike ball of light. This makes him realize that maybe Hell isn't as bad as it is made out to be. With issue 12 Warren Ellis takes over the writing chores. IIRC the only other Big 2 work he had did at this time was a stint on Excalibur. He stays on until the final issue,issue 21. Ellis goes balls out and even gives Hellstorm a sidekick of sorts in Cutter Jane. Jane has the ability to change her skin to a nigh-invulnerable state. And carries a gun that can detect and dispose of demons and angels alike. She is also fighting both the agents of Heaven and Hell and does this to keep the world in balance. The book really picks up it's pace under Ellis and you can tell he has a long running storyline running under the surface. Sadly the series was cancelled with issue 21. I assume it was cancelled from low sales. When this series started I was working part-time at a comic shop,and even with all the employees recommending it,it was rare for Hellstorm Prince of lies to sell more than 10 copies each month. And when you consider that this comic shop was the biggest one in a 6 city area that is really sad. Luckily now you can find most of this series in the cheap bins. I managed to put my newest collection,I had had a complete run from when it was first out but a former girlfriend had destroyed it when she burned about 75% of my comic collection,this time I managed to get issues 1-17 for around 99 cents an issue. The last few issues cause of being low ordered cost me more,averaging out at around $1.50 an issue. But even at these prices this series is a great choice for someone who loved vertigo or the 70's Marvel horror stuff. Overall i give the entire run a 8.5 outta 10,it would have scored higher but being it ended early. Also this is a series that had alot of trouble keeping an artist,this also hurt it's rating.

Cheap Complete runs 02

The last 10 issues of Malibu's Protectors comic show an noticeable improvement in the artwork. And also have the two best story lines in the series short run. After wrapping up the Ms fury storyline in issue 12,the Genesis crossover starts. Genesis was a way for Malibu to create their own universe by connecting 3 different titles. They are Dinosaurs for hire,Ex-Mutants,and Protectors. The crossover shook up the Protectors team,and when it was over they had about 3 new members and had lost a few of their old members. Overall this was the second best storyline in the Protectors run,the only detriment is that you have to get issues of Dinosaurs for hire and Ex-Mutants to really understand what is going on. Sadly even this crossover didn't help increase the sales of the title,so with issue 18 the final storyline is started. Titled "The Beginning of the ending" it ran 3 issues and had the Protectors going up against the biggest threat so far. Some members of the team die and in the last few pages of issue 20 the entire world is destroyed. Insuring that there is a small to nil chance of the Protectors ever coming back. This series is rarely mention now,mainly cause of the bad art. And cause around the midway point Malibu started up the Ultraverse which got all the acclaim. But if you are a fan of Golden age heroes and can enjoy a well written comic that has below average art it is worth picking up. I found most of the issues in cheap bins or for cheap online. But the last three issues had very low print runs so they usually cost a bit more,but with some searching you can find them for around cover price. So if you have read and enjoyed Project Superpowers give The Protectors a chance,you might be surprised. 8 outta 10.