The Substitute

 

TITLE-The Subtitute

SOURCE-Flipper DVD with part 3 on the other side

Yea I had seen pieces of this film on  cable tv back in the early 2000s. Just was never something I wanted to sit down  and  watch in  full. Months back for 50 cents I got the 4 pack pictured above that has the full run of this 90s action franchise.

Tom  Berringer is a mercenary. His latest mission goes bad and he needs to lie lown for a bit. He heads back to Miami to see his girlfriend. Where he learns the school she teaches at is crime ridden. Marc Anthony,yes the singer,is the leader of a gang. The principal,Ernie Hudson,seems to not be able to do anything about the issues at the school.Tom comes in as a subtitute teacher. Where he bonds with his class by telling them stories from his tour in Vietnam. 

Over the top action,a high school so bad you only see it in films. And students that look mid 30s. The perfect blending of action cheese that makes for an entertaining viewing.

Tom just goes nuts,throwing people out windows,beating one guy with a helmet and appears to be having a blast. We get  a rare heel turn from Ernie Hudson. Marc Anthony ain't a bad actor.

While not a huge box office hit this film was a vhs and cable hit and why we got 3 more films in the franchise.

The Subtitute gets a C+

31 Days of Horror 2025 Day 31 The People Under the Stairs

 

TITLE-The People Under the Stairs

SOURCE-Scream Factory Blu ray

Fool lives in  the ghetto. His mom is dying from cancer,and his family is about to be evicted from their apartment. Local rumor is this one house in  the area has a huge collection of gold coins. So Fool along withVing Rhames and another dude plot to break into the house steal the coins and not only pay the back rent they owe but get Fool's mom fixed up.

Once in the house they learn  shit is fucked. The entire house if boobytrapped. Their a pile of cannibals living in the basement. And the brother and sister,that call each other Mom and Dad, have a young teen girl named Alice. They refuse to let her leave the house.

Ving Rhames and the other guy get killed fast and the rest of the film is Fool trying to escape and find the gold. Assisted by Alice and Roach,a guy that lives between the walls.

Gory and dark and full of craziness this was way way better than I remembered. Sure I had seen it a few times back in  the day. Just been so long since I saw it I had forgotten huge chunks of the film.

Like how the brother spends a good part of the film runnign  around in a leather gimp outfit. Or how the Sister looks so much like my crazy aunt we don't talk too.

Feels like this is a forgotten  Wes Craven film. Sure his Elm Street films get talked about a pile,same with Last House on the Left and the Hills have eyes. But The People Under the Stairs I never seen much chatter about.

This blu ray is packed with extras. Looks great decent sound and I'm kind of glad I got it for a deal. 

The People Under the Stairs gets a B.

31 Days of Horror 2025 Day 30 The Monkey

 

TITLE-The  Monkey

SOURCE-Blu Ray

I was in jr high ,7th or 8th grade when my cousin passed me a copy of Stephen King's Skeleton Crew. His much older sister had given it to him and he wasn't into reading.  Now almost 40 years later the kid of Anthony Perkins has taken that short story and made it into a gory insane film.

Two boys find a wind up monkey in the closet. Their father left years ago and all they got of his is a closet full of stuff he brought back home from trips. Each time the Monkey is used someone dies. 

With the rest of the film one of the brothers trying to figure out a way to get rid of the Monkey and the other wanting revenge for their mother dying. The Monkey gets chopped up,shows back up. Thrown down a well and shows back up. 

Acting aint bad mostly. What makes this stand out is the absurd kills. Like the Rube Goldberg like one near the start of the film in a pawn shop. Or a later one with a wasp nest and a drugged up teen dressed as a cop.

The kills are great. But good kills doesn't make a full film. The Monkey gets a C.

31 Days of Horror 2025 Day 29 Clown in a Cornfield

 

TITLE-Clown in a Cornfield

SOURCE-Blu Ray

Back 10 or so years ago I saw Tucker & Dale vs Evil and loved it. Been waiting and hoping the director of that would do another horror film. He did.

Set in a flyover state,where the one main place folks work has burnt down we got that business mascot going around killing folks. A crazy clown known as Frendo.

New girl moves to town. Her mom is dead her dad is a doctor that had a breakdown. So no more ER doc in major city now he is a GP in a tiny dying town. She of course makes friends with the local outcasts. Who do a youtube channel with pranks. 

A major step down from Tucker & Dale vs Evil. Not a bad film. A decent modern slasher. The big difference is in  Tucker & Dale vs Evil the entire cast was stand out. This... Will Sasso,yep the fat guy from MadTV,is great. Totally playing against his normal type. But the rest of the cast goes from average to wait who are they related to to get this gig.

Clown in a Cornfield gets a C+

31 Days of Horror 2025 Day 28 Ticks

 

TITLE-Ticks

SOURCE-Olive Films Blu Ray

Feels like this was one of those early to mid 90s films that got a pile of coverage in Fango. I read up on it wanted to see it and nope no copies hit video stores in my area. Earlier this year Cody hooked me up with his old Blu ray of it. Letting me revisit a film I didn't see until at least the early 2000s.

Clint Howards super grow mix for his pot plants drips down  through the floorboards on some tick eggs. Thus creating the titular creatures. And we got a van full of troubled teens and their two handlers heading to a near by cabin.

Yea it is a standard creature feature plot. And if this didn't have great FX and an interesting cast I bet it would be forgotten.

We got some slimy oozy fx work. Great stuff that just makes you shudder a bit. Brian Yuzna an executive producer on this so that makes sense.

Then that cast. Besides Clint Howard as the pot farmer you get Alfonso Ribiro as a very against type character for him. Yep we got Carlton from Fresh Prince dressed and acting like he was a background extra in Wu Tang's Protect Ya Neck music video. Got an earlyish role for Seth Green as the normal nerd stereotype in b films. Then the always great to see Ami Dolenz. She had a smallish career playing a similar role in piles of B movies for about a decade.

Sure it feels a bit like scenes are missing. With some plot points not explained fully. A bit of research I learned there was a pile of added scenes. Like the Clint Howard super grow formula stuff.

Worth seeing. No clue if this blu ray is out of print,I know the Scream Factory release is.

Ticks gets a B-

31 Days of Horror 2025 Day 27 Woodchipper Massacre

 

TITLE-Woodchipper Massacre

SOURCE-Vinger Syndrome Blu ray

I heard about this SOV horror/comedy for years. Never saw the VHS for rent anyplace. Then got a rip of that tape. A low res Mpeg file that was 400 megs maybe. Tried to watch it but the compression made that vhs rip look horrid.

Then earlier this year was gifted two of Terrorvisions 3 blu rays for X amount blind boxes. After watched two other films put this on.

Take Dont Tell Mom the Babysitter is dead and add a woodchipper. Then make the budget about what was spent on 2 days of catering on the DTMTBID set and you got Woodchipper Massacre.

If you have no affinity for Shot on Video films skip this. It is a major time capsule of a short period of time where stuff like this could get on many video store shelves. Plus build a big enough following to get not only a loaded dvd release and this LOADED with extras Blu ray  release. Lots of Commentaries and BTS features.

Woodchipper Massacre gets a C+

31 Days of Horror 2025 Day 26 Creepy Koffee Movie Time Last Call

 

TITLE-Creepy Koffee Movie Time Last Call
SOURCE-NovemberFire DVD

Months back I had heard NoName and Balrok were doing one last appearance,at a screening of a new documentary done about the Creepy Koffee Movie Time show. Short version CKMT was a weekly horror host show on KOFI TV in San Francisco. They aired old horror films and had on guests.

Once a DVD release of the Documentary was available I ordered one and have now watched it two times. First time was the night I got it. Went sat out on  the pier,it was dark and quiet and I had a blast. This second time was earlier today. 

CKMT Last Call covers in fairly decent amount of detail every episode of the show. Broken down  by seasons. With Balrok interviewing guest and the various ladies that were Cave Girls on the show. What are Cave Girls? They would have 3 to 5 each episode on the stage usually dancing along to whatever music the house band was playing.

One of the Cave Girls in the later seasons was former WWE Superstar Shotzi Blackhart. Who describes the show perfectly. And I can't say how she does or this post would get the mature content warning and as of writing the state I live in has decided I can't see mature content online without giving a copy of my photo ID.

Back to the show. I loved seeing how No Name evolved over the sseasons. All I have ever see is the first 5 seasons. Cause that is all that is out there streaming. There was 10 or 11 seasons total. With the later seasons seems like they got more films they had to license.

Sure this documentary would not mean much if you arent familar with the show. Me I'm a big fan. Seen most of the episodes from the first 5 seasons. Earlier this year read the fan book about the show. 

Creepy Koffee Movie Time Last Call gets a B.

31 Days of Horror 2025 Day 25 Swamp Devil

 

TITLE-Swamp Devil

SOURCE-Maneater Series Triple Pack DVD

I grew up seeing the 50s/60s and 70s creature features on  tv. Sometimes with a host sometimes not. Which is partially why when I find a pack like the  one pictured above for a buck I take a chance. Yea all three films are CGI crapfest made for SYFY channel. But sometimes they can be decent and sometimes you want the movie version of eating a dozen Krystals with cheese for dinner.

Swamp Devil has a young lady returning to the town where she was born. After her mother passed her father pretty much abandoned her. She gets a call saying her father is dying and she comes back to take care of him. The father is played by the only name in the cast,Bruce Dern.

Right when she arrives at the town a guy about her age welcomes her. She wonders how he knows her when she moved from the town when she was still fairly young. He is the son of the local diner owner. 

This takes a bit to get going. First kill happening around the 30 minute mark. And besides being pure CGI it isn't bad. Yea there is almost no blood. Really besides a few uses of the word fuck nothing in this would warrant a R rating. 

Over the course of about 90 minutes we learn that our lead's dad and some other guys beat a guy to death for a crime he did. And tossed his body in the swamp. Now his spirit possesses what looks like Groot and Swamp Thing had a kid that was a cut scene from a PS2 game. 

The acting isn't bad. The story is one you have seen before but done fairly well here. And for a low budget movie the CGI is decent, If there was a few more kills this would be one I would recommend to almost anyone that likes horror.

I do enjoy how early on the rules for the Swamp Devil are set. And then used to kill him at the end. Plus of course we get a teaser for a sequel.

Worth seeing,thinking this is streaming on TUBI or Fawesome for free. And if you like modern CGI creature features it is worth grabbing on DVD for cheap.

Swamp Devil gets a C+

31 Days of Horror 2025 Day 24 Beyond Darkness

 

TITLE-Beyond Darkness aka La Casa 5

SOURCE-Scream Factory Blu ray

Ahh Claudio Fragasso,while  Troll 2 is his best known movie it is my least favorite of the 3 of his I have seen now. Favorite is Night Killer,which I am sure I covered a few years ago during 31 Days of Horror,but Beyond Darkness is a close 2nd.

Take Poltergeist mix in The Exorcist a dash of Lucio Fulci's The Beyond and you get this early 90s cheese fest. 

We got a house that has something  in the wall that is calling to the young daughter Carol. Her slightly older brother is the kid from Troll 2. Their father is  Reverend,but wears a Catholic Priest style collar. The Troll 2 son gets taken to the other dimension. The dad and another Priest save him and you think it is over. Then you check the time left and there is still 40 more minutes. 

It's 80s,well came out in 1990,Euro Horror. Don't go in expecting much of the plot to make sense. You watch for the insanity and gore. Which this delivers on plenty.

So La Casa 5 is one of this films many alternative titles. Ghosthouse is La Casa 4,and from what I can find La Casa 1,2,3 are Evil Dead/Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness. I was sure I had read that Night Killer was part of the La Casa series,which is somehow also connected to the TCM franchise.

Turn your brain off and just enjoy the film. This is exactly the stuff a pile of us was looking for in the mid 90s. Something to watch and laugh at and with.

Beyond Darkness gets a C+

31 Days of Horror 2025 Day 23 CrackCoon

 

TITLE-CrackCoon

SOURCE-Amazon Prime Video

Prime Video the streaming service I forget I have. Usually I go to it when whatever I want to see isn't on anything else. If Tubi is the Mom and Pop video store at 9pm on a Friday,Amazon Prime Video is that regional chain video store,mine was Homeport Video,they got 3 or 4 stores tops so you know if no other place has say Van Nuys BLVD one of the Homeport Videos will.

Wanted something fast and easy to watch. Saw the title and knew I had found the film. A new crack is out on the streets. To me it looks like someone melted down orange gummi bears. Whoever smokes this crack gets instantly violent and starts killing people.

Cut to 2 couples and a friend out in the woods. After getting to know them a bit we cut to a car with two drug dealers. They are delivering the crack to the two couples. Notice a cop car following them so in a blind curve throw their backpack of crack out the window. Then once the cops let them go they go to find the crack. But a raccoon has already ate all of it. Now it is a killer Crackcoon. His first kill is by biting off the dick and balls of one of the drug dealers.The rest of the film is the 5 folks at the house,the one living drug dealer and a sheriff and his burlesque dancer looking wife fighting of the killer CrackCoon.

The Crackcoon looks like a stuffed animal. It's attacks are mostly offf screen then we see the damage,which is normally some decent looking gore. Acting wise the cast goes as bad as "PLease shut up and die cause you are not a good actor" to "Hey you might be able to get a bit part on Law & Order SVU one day."

Big Dumb Fun and I loved it. I wouldn't buy it on blu ray or dvd. I doubt I watch it again. But I don't hate I spent time watching it.

CrackCoon gets a  D+