Canadian Assault The 9 Cannons of our Battle GIGANTIC TOME SHOWCASE

Here's a short video about Dale Roy's book collecting all the print issues of the Canadian Assault zine.



If you want to read more Canadian Assault goto  CANADIAN ASSAULT

31 Days of Horror Day 31 Beyond the Gates

TITLE-Beyond the Gates
SOURCE-Hulu

Saw this had Barbara Crampton and the plot was about a VHS based board game so thought ok will watch this.

I had a bunch of stuff planned out to watch today. But I have been sick for almost a week. And really don't feel like watching much. Figured one movie would be ok.

After their father dies two brothers have to figure out what to do with their dad's old video store. In the store they find an old VHS board game.

Not long after that they start to play this VHS game and the hostess,Barbara Crampton,appears to be talking directly to them.

Fairly soon after this they get sucked into another dimension and it is hard to tell what is reality and what isn't.

The above all sounds like a neat idea for a horror film. I have gotten into VHS board games over the past 2 years. But to much of the films short run time is spent with people talking and a bit of character building.

And outside of the last 10 minutes or so nothing about this film,after you get past the kinda gimmicky VHS board game premise,stands out at all.

Beyond the Gates gets a C-.

31 Days of Horror Day 30 Fangoria Presents Sin Reaper

TITLE-Sin Reaper
SOURCE-Fangoria Presents DVD

Last year as part of my birthday gifts I was given all the films from the 2010s era Fangoria Presents line. I had never seen any of them. But had seen some films Fangoria released in the late 90s,and those films were crap. Boring with bad FX work and bad acting.

Sin Reaper has a great cover...that is the art I used at the top. Sadly the cover is the best thing about the film. Here is the non-region 1 dvd cover...

Yea it looks so generic.

Samantha has been having horrific nightmares for years now. So her therapist,Lance Henrikson in a tiny role,tells he to goto Germany. Which is the location of most of her dreams.Once she arrives the killer from her dream shows up and starts killing.

Wow that isn't a bad idea. But it is so horribly executed that the film suffers from it. The main actress is suppose to be from the USA but she has a super thick Eastern Europeon accent. Which makes it even odder when another person in the film makes it a point to comment on her accent,"Oh Good,you're American!" WTF

The kills are crap. Like really you got a great costume and weapon for the killer. Looks like something off an 80s era Heavy Metal album cover.

It appears that in other regions this film was released in 3d. But for some reason Fango didn't bother putting out the 3d version in region 1.

It's odd Fango was quick to give shitty movies a bad review. But everything they have "presented" filmwise has been total shit.  So far only the Fangoria Blood Drive series being worth watching.

So avoid this horrible film. Even if it is cheap avoid it. Sure the cover is great. But this is just like those oversized gory as fuck big box vhs releases from when I was a kid. The cover looked amazing then you watched the film and it was a total pile of shit.

Sin Reaper gets a F-.

31 Days of Horror Day 29 Knock Knock

TITLE-Knock Knock
SOURCE-Lionsgate Blu Ray

Yea I know this is a remake of of the mid 70s film Death Game AKA The Seducers. And Colleen Camp comes back for this remake. ANd yea I have seen piles of reviews of this film online. Calling it a piece of shit.

Back in late Oct 2015 I was sent a DVD rip of this film. Tossed it in planning on doing some editing while watching it. And it caught my attention enough I didn't anything edited.

Keanu Reeves is married with 2 young kids. His wife and kids leave for the weekend. And he settles in to do some work. While listening to some records Keanu fires up a bowl and hears a knock at the front door.

That's Ana De Armas on the left and Lorenza Izzo on the right

At the door is two wet and cold young women. Played by Ana De Armas,best known for her role in Blade Runner 2040,and Lorenza Izzo,the ex MS Eli Roth  and best known for her lead part in The Green Inferno. They are lost and need to borrow a phone to call someone. Reeves lets them in and well shit goes downhill from there.

Reeves tries to be nice and helpful. Calls them a Uber,which will be there in 45 minutes. Throws their wet clothes into the dryer. And even shows off his DJ skills.

Knock Knock then morphs into a 90s era ERotic Thriller,I kept waiting on Shannon Tweed to show up. The ladies are in the bathroom,Reeves comes in to bring them their clothes and let them know the Uber is there. They seduce him. And after a long night of sex Reeves passes out.

The next morning Keanu wakes up to discover the two women are still there and made a mess of his kitchen. He is gonna call the cops to get them to leave when the women reveal that they are underage.

Basically Knock Knock is a home invasion movie mixed with a 90s SKINAMAX erotic thriller.

Sure you can figure out the ending. And the womens' reasoning for doing what they are doing is kinda bunk. But there is so much right with the film. The soundtrack and score are good. Love him or hate him Eli Roth knows how to frame a shot. And does some neat things with light in Knock Knock. And yea it helps that Ana and Lorenza as stunning beauties.

This is pretty much a 3 person film. Would be neat to see it adapted to a stage play.

Ana De Armas is pretty good in her role. I had never seen her before this film. She has the right look for the part she is playing. In that looking at her you can't tell how old she is. She could be mid 20s but then she could be 15. The only real flaw in Ana in this film is sometimes cause of her accent I had trouble understanding what she was saying. IIRC Ms Armas is from Cuba. So when speaking English she does have a bit of an accent. But it isn't a big flaw. And the film has well done subtitles.

Lorenza Izzo is gonna be a big star. After seeing her in this and Green Inferno I saw proof that she is a really talented actress. Able to do comedy,drama and horror. Plus she has this great sense of timing. I hope her divorce from Eli Roth doesn't cause her to not get as many roles in English movies.

Keanu Reeves is an actor that has a very limited role he can play. In that role he is damn good. But try to put him into a role that isn'tin that limited range and you get shit like Bram Stroker's Dracula. Thankfully Reeves is great in this. But then he is just playing a older stoner music buff. Which from what I have read is really who Reeves is.

The Blu ray of course has a audio commentary. Which is fairly entertaining. You get Roth,his then wife and Colleen Camp on it. There is a handful of deleted scenes,and you can see why they weren't included in the film cause they aren't good.Plus a halfway decent making of the film.

Knock Knock gets a B.

31 Days of Horror Day 28 Zombies VS Strippers

TITLE-Zombies vs Strippers
SOURCE-The Dead Walking 10 movie DVD set from Echo Bridge

Yea I grabbed this set back months ago. Friend of a friend works at a tiny pawn shop in a tiny town east of me. Tells us that as long as we buy at least 10 bucks worth we can get dvds/blu rays for a buck each. So we went one day and got all kinds of stuff. Grabbed this set mostly cause it was 10 films for a buck and Zombies Vs Strippers sounded like it would be either so bad it was good or just straight up trash.

First off Echo Bridge put 5 films on each single sided DVD. So these movies are heavily compressed. It looks like those vhs rips to DVD-r you would see SumGuy selling at cons in 2003 thru 2005. Watchable and the audio is clear,but it isn't crisp and someimes the sound is a bit muffled.

I start the film see it is not long,1 hour and 15 minutes,and it is from Full Moon. Which means it is either gonna be boring and not worth watching. Or cheesy as fuck and somewhat entertaining. Thankfully it is the latter.

A shitty strip club,the Tough Titty,is about to close. This is the last night it is open,cause the owner has sold the land and building. Then some zombies invade.

A group of survivalist end up in the club. Which adds some action. But yea there isn't much to this really short film. Tits,short bursts of low budget action and a few laughs.

Oddly Full Moon got no one known for this film. Well outside of the actor who has played Hambo in a few of the modern Full Moon films. He has a cameo in this.

The gore effects aren't bad. Some are practical some are digital. And both are cheaply done but not at the level of say a Made for SYFY movie.

I was surprised at the lack of nudity in the film. I figured it being Full Moon they would go all out. But nope.

There is a stand out scene near the end. The bouncer has been infected and is having sex with one of the strippers when he turns into a zombie. SHe doesn't realize this and gets bit. So a bit later our two leads,the sleazy strip club owner and the lead brunette stripper,bust in on the two zombies banging away!!

Not long after this a flood of zombies invade the club and in  a scene I am sure Charles Band ripped off from Return of the Living Dead Part 2 well... Just look at the pic below.

Michael Jackson Thriller era zombie appears LOL. And the black stripper,named Vanilla,of course makes a comment about this.

For a modern era Full Moon film this isn't bad. The low budget is very obvious. But the fx work isn't as bad as most modern Full Moon movies. The acting is a hair above what you normally get from a newer Charles Band film. What surprised me is how little nudity there is in the film. It being about strippers,set at a strip club and coming from Full Moon I was expecting piles of at least topless nudity. I mean it isn't like there is no nudity,but there is way way less than I expected. I do like how Band is inserting tiny things in most of the newer Full Moon movies to show they all happen in the same cinematic universe.

As far as I know this is the third stripper vs zombies film made in the US. There is Zombie Strippers,which I reviewed a few years back. That one has Robert Englund and Jenna Jameson. Then there is Zombie Zombie Zombies. Haven't seen this yet.

Zombies vs Strippers gets a C-.

31 Days of Horror Day 27 Pac's Scary Halloween Special

TITLE-Pac's Scary Halloween
SOURCE=Netflix

I am old enough to remember the early 80s Pac-Man cartoon The one that most people now only know cause Boomerang/Cartoon Network show the Xmas special most year.

And that cartoon was fun. A few years back I see there is a new Pac-Man animated tv show. A co production between the US and Japan. It is computer animated and very different from the old Hanna Barbara one.

I had seen a few episodes and enjoyed them. So when I was looking for some animated Halloween specials I hadn't seen on Netflix and saw that this new Pac-Man series had a Halloween Special I downloaded it to my tablet. And finally got around to watching it today while taking a friend's mother grocery shopping

Pac-Man and his two friends end up at a haunted castle. Where a brain in a jar wants to plant his brain into Pac-Man's body. This brain is known as Pacenstein!!!!

Gotta talk about Pac and his 2 friends costumes.

Pac has snakes on his head so I am assuming he is a Medusa. Oddly sometimes these snakes appear to be living and react to stuff and other times they appear to just be fake snakes.

THe lady pac man,I think her name is Cyberllina,is dressed up as the lead villain.
Then the big stupid pac guy,Spiral I think is his name, I think is dressed up as a radish.....

Pacenstein puts his mind into Pac Mans body. Which turns his main part of the body a lighter shade of yellow. But Pac Man's mind has turned the brain in the jar to a bright yellow color.

Another new thing is there is more than just the ghosts from the original Pac-Man arcade game. The original ghosts are working undercover for Pac-man. And the girl ghost is in love with Pac-Man.

THese good guy ghosts and Pac's two friends find the brain that has Pac-man in it now. ANd they set out to find Pacenstein,in pac-man's body.

The lead villain has a sidekick who's forehead looks like a butt..Not sure if that is on purpose...Wait he just got called DR Rumphead. It is on purpose.

The ghosts find Pacenstein. Pacenstein eats them which leaves just their eyes. Just like in the games.

Pacenstein tries to eat a elderly pac-person. Then throws her up. Which brings out a bunch of Pac-villagers with torches.

SO Pacenstein eats a power pellet gets ice  powers and the villagers run off.

THe villagers run into the Pac Friends with the brain. Pac-man Brain tries to explain and hte vilagers dont believe him.  So the pac friends are getting chased by the angry vilagers and now some spooky wolves. Spiral and the girl eat power pellts. Spiral becomes a fly like thing. THe girl becomes a spider???

But the webs and flight ability of the two defeat the wolves. But the villagers catch up with them. Right then the power pellets wear off.

OK seems that butthead ghost is named DR Buttocks. I would have loved that name when I was 8.

Ghosts attack the pac friends. But the pac friends just play football with pac-man brain in jar and get away.

And while they are surrounded by ghosts,monsters and villagers COUNT PACULA saves them !!!!!!!

Since Pac man and the pac friends are fighting Pacenstein,Pacula is gonna help them. Cause Pacenstein makes too much noise and keeps Pacula awake LOL.

Pacenstein shows up at the party Pac man was expected at and he eats everything. Pacenstein eats a power berrie,what they call power pellets in this. It gives him electrical powers. Then he shape shifts into a  Pac like KING KONG!!!!

Pacula,and the Pacfriends show up to fight off Pac-Kong. Pacenstein shifts back into Pacman shape to brag. ANd that was just dumb why not stay in the Pac-Kong body?

The villains start doing a version of the THriller dance? Pacenstein eats a bunch more ghosts. Gives some bad oneliners. And after the villains attack Pacman brain ends up in a punch bowl!!

THe big nosed green pac dude saves everyone while driving his Pac-banana vehicle. He has a brain switching ray. FUcks up and Pacman goes from the brain in the jar into Pacula's body. How is this gonna end they got like 2 minutes left.

Pacman/Dracula eats a power berrie that makes you smart. Deus Ex Machina.........Yep he comes up with a idea to the brains back in the right places. His hEAD grows so big he falls over on pacenstein!

Big nose green pac guy uses a machine to get all the brains back into the right bodies. And it ends with a dance remix of the game music from the original pacman arcade game.

Pac's Scary Halloween gets a C+.

31 Days of Horror Day 26 Friday the 13th Mother's Day Audiobook

TITLE-Friday the 13th Mother's Day
SOURCE-Fanmade audiobook

Not long after Jason goes to Hell,the 9th film in the Friday the 13th franchise,a series of young adult horror novels was started. From what I can find there is 5 books in this series and all are written by Eric Morse. These books are long out of print. Hell the publisher doesn't exist anymore. And now copies of these novels sell for way too much money,last time I looked average price for Friday the 13th Mother's Day is 30 bucks.

Thankfully a fan has taken all these novels, and a bunch more. And made them into audio books. He narrates the book. Doing voices and adding sound effects and transitions. Earlier this month the fan posted links to all the ones he has completed and posted to Youtube. I took a handy dandy youtube video ripper and converted,so far,the first 4 novels in this series into mp3 files. Then for 4 nights and one long day of grocery shopping/cleaning the house I listened to Friday the 13th Mother's Day.

Set not long after the end of Jason Goes to Hell,Friday the 13th Mother's Day has a fairly simple plot. A hunter is out in the woods in the Crystal Lake area. He sinks into some quicksand. Then get possessed by the spirit of Jason. Since Jason is in Hell from what I have read his spirit will possess people in these novels. Which hell Jason was possessing people in Jason Goes to Hell. Once possessed the hunter starts heading towards Camp Crystal Lake.

Our teens are your normal group of teens that in movies are friends but in the real world they would never hang out. You got the popular boy who is a jokester and a douchebag. The handsome popular boy that every girl wants,who is also a secret douchebag. The late teen hippie couple,of course they drive a van and smoke lots of pot. The sexy forgein exchange student from France.The slightly overweight nerdy good guy. Then our lead a girl who's mother is over protective.

The Jokester kid talks everyone into going camping out near the now long closed Camp Crystal Lake. He even calls the lead girl's mother and by pretending to be the schools Vice Principal manages to talk the mother into letting her daughter go.

Ok so we got Jason who is possessing a hunter on his way to Camp Crystal Lake. And a group of high school teens heading to that area to have sex and drink. A really basic plot that has been done many times in various slashers.

This being a young adult novel of course the kills are not that gory. And the sex scenes are very tame. I was surprised though at how good the book is. It was rare that I read young adult horror ficiton. As a kid I read Edgar Allen Poe and other classic horror like that. THen by the age of 8 I was borrowing Stephen King novels from my Uncle and reading them. So I just kinda skipped the whole young adult horror genre. Plus when I was in the age group that genre is aimed at,there really wasn't that much YA horror being pubslished. This was years before Goosebumps or Fear Street.

Our lead girl is the final girl,big surprise. After all her friends are killed,some in prety neat ways,she escapes the killer by getting into a canoe and going out on Crystal Lake....

Yea the novel is pretty much a remake of the original Friday the 13th. But with small stuff changed.  And as for the Mother's Day subtitle...the book is set over Mother's Day weekend. There is a short scene in which someone finds a Mother's Day card Jason wrote to his mom!!! That and the second day of the teens camping trip happening on Mother's Day are the only connections to the subtitle of the novel.

If you want to read this book your two options are pay what I think is way too much for a fairly short and a bit above average YA horror fiction book. Or search Youtube for the books full title. The Audiobook version I listened to is by 80s Horror Librairian,or something like that. He also has a bunch more Friday novels,some Elm Street novels and even 1 Final Destination novel.

Friday the 13th Mother's Day Audiobook gets a B-.

31 Days of Horror Day 25 Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

TITLE-Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse
SOURCE-DVD

Saw the trailers for this when it was hitting theaters and thought "If there was still $3 matinees at the theater I would go see this." Then earlier this month got a good deal on some used dvds/blu rays and found a copy of Scouts Guide.

We get a fairly well done horror/comedy/Gore movie. 3 long time friends are in high school and in the scouts. A zombie outbreak causes wacky stuff to happen. And the three late teen scouts and a stripper team up to survive.

The four leads are pretty damn good. Never seen any of them in anything before this. Really don't think I have seen any of them in anything after this either.

Now the comedy is fairly rude stuff. So if that isn't your thing might want to avoid the film. I found a few of the parts really funny. With only a few of the jokes bombing.

It would be kinda neat to see a sequel to this film. The ending of this one leaves everything open for a sequel. But it has been a few years since this came out so if that was gonna happen it should have happened by now.

Anyways this is worth renting/streaming/buying for cheap. It isn't often we get a zombie horror/comedy film that works. And Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse works.

Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse gets a B+.

31 Days of Horror Day 24 Amsterdamned

TITLE-Amsterdamned
SOURCE-Shudder streaming service

I read about this film in Fangoria. It sounded pretty good so I hoped that it might play a theater near me. That didn't happen. A year later I see it is getting a VHS release. So went to the 8 video rental stores I had memberships at. None of them had it or could/would get it. Since 1990 have searched for it on cable...nope never caught it. Figured I just wouldn't see this film and kinda forgot about it.

Then earlier this year I got the Shudder streaming service. Was adding stuff to my list and started with the letter A. Saw they had Amsterdamned and was pretty happy. Added it to my list thinking I would watch it in a few days.

Well a few days became 5 months later. I needed something to watch today. Was going through my various lists on the streaming services I use. Saw Amsterdamned and started it up.

In the city of Amsterdam there is a serial killer on the loose. And he is wearing a full frogman suit and has a harpoon and a sharp as fuck knife to kill with. Using the canals to get around,this killer leads the lead detective on a wild chase.

This plays out like a mystery. With the audience and the detective trying to figure out who the killer is. Plus there is a beautiful woman that our lead ends up hooking up with. Yep this is pretty much a Dutch Giallo.

THe kills and their aftermaths are so well filmed and staged. With the very first one and it's aftermath being my favorite. The killer grabs a hooker on her way home from the brothel she works at. After killing her,she is hung from a bridge over one of the canals. Then the next morning as a boat,with a glass roof,full of tourists goes by the body slides down the glass roof leaving a bloody mess.

I looked and saw that Blue Underground has released a Blu Ray/DVD combo of the film. And I enjoy it enough I am going to buy it sometime soon.

Now like most giallos you have to deal with some things that might bother some viewers. Like bad dubbing. And there is some bad dubbing in this movie. Almost as bad as the little blonde boy in House by the Cementary.  Thankfully the script is fairly coherent. And the FX work is really good.

Amsterdamned gets a B.

31 Days of Horror Day 23 Dracula Dead and Loving It

TITLE-Dracula Dead and Loving It
SOURCE-DVD

As of this writing this is the last film directed by Mel Brooks. And sadly this film was a bomb and seems to be fairly hated.

Like how Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein was a homage and parody of the Universal Frankenstein films this film is a homage and parody of Universal's Dracula with Bela Lugosi.

Sure the film is a bit silly. But then it fits in perfectly with all the other screwball parodies of that era. Stuff like Hot Shots or the Naked Gun films. Speaking of Naked Gun,Dracula Dead and Loving It has Leslie Nelson as the lead. And the rest of the cast is a good mixture of known actors/actresses. People like Steven Webber,Amy Yasbeck and Harvey Korman.

What surprised me the first time I saw this movie was how bloody it is. Sure the blood letting is played for laughes. But wow the amount of blood in this film is a bit surprising.

I love how Mel Brooks was smart and targeted the over-rated Bram Stroker's Dracula film. I have never understood why Coppla's Dracula film is considered a good film. Honestly I rather watch Dracula Dead and Loving It than Bram Stroker's Dracula.

If you enjoyed movies like Airplane or Naked Gun and like horror movies this is a film that you gotta see. So far there is no Blu Ray release. But the DVD ,while out of print,isn't hard to find for cheap.

Dracula Dead and Loving It gets a B-.