Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Strange find in the cheap bins-Jughead 's Soul Food


I got this recently in a box of comics from one of my cousins. It is from the short lived line of Archie comics published by Spire. Spire was a company that published Christian comics. The Archie titles they put out seem to be the most remembered and the easiest to find. The first story "A La Carte" is all about Jughead trying to bring in what seems to be a hot dog vendor's cart into the Riverdale high school cafeteria. Mr Weathersbee tells Jughead he can't bring the cart inside. And so Jughead takes it out side,and this not so good story ends with Mr Weathersbee getting a hot dog with lots of mustard from ole Juggy and praying. The second story doesn't seem to have a title,but it begins with Big Ethel and Betty Cooper outside Jughead's house. Ethel freaks out when she sees Jughead and what looks to be a girl sitting on his couch. She gets really pissed cause "He says he can't STAND girls!!!". So she goes and knocks on his door and confronts him. Jughead seems to be very confused by this. And in the final panel we see why. Turns out Jughead was sitting on the couch watching tv with his dog Hotdog. Next one get a one page gag story,in which Jughead is eating and sharing his food with Hotdog,and so in the last panel Hotdog brings over his bone to share with Jughead. Ok so far this comic has been bad,but hasn't had much Christian propaganda. "Calorie Gallery" is the next story. Jughead is excited to see a help wanted sign in the window of a local bakery. He gets the job,but in typical Jughead fashion fucks it all up by "taste testing" all the food. A really lame story with a lame gag to end it. There are a couple of more stories but truthfully they are all uniformly shitty. Then towards the end of the comic,we are "treated" to a Big Moose story. The Archie gang notices that both Big Moose and Jughead both have trays full of huge piles of food. Juggie ask Moose if they should pray for their food. Moose mentions that he never does that. And Jughead compares Moose to his dog,who also never prays for his food. Jughead goes on a long tirade about how God creates the food. And how Moose should be thankfull for having food. LAME LAME LAME. Next up we get "Jughead Prayer Page" which has various Archie charecters praying for various things. Finally this steaming pile of feces is wrapped up with a short story were Prof. Flutesnoot is educating the Archie gang on how to eat properly. But Betty and Archie have to interupt him to go into a two page speach about how God created our bodies and other such shit. OK I have read about 10 or so of these Spire Archie comics,and I consider myself to be agnostic/atheist. So I know these comics aren't aimed at me. But outta the ones I have read this has to be one of the worst. Jughead's Soul food earns a F-.