Source-TubiTV app
While I love modern tech in someways I hate it. Like how I waited until 2004 to finally get a cellphone. And even now 14 years later I still got a fliphone.. Not a smartphone. Hell for years I didn't want a tablet computer. I had a desktop and a laptop and was happy. Then I got a good tablet for cheap and discovered how useful it can be. Kinda nice to have a device that fits in my pocket that is loaded up with piles of books,comics,movies,cartoons and TV shows. Plus cause of it I have discovered all kinds of free streaming services.
Sure every one knows about Netflix and Hulu. But how many of y'all know of TubiTV? It is a free streaming service. Were you get uncut movies and TV shows. The only drawback is about every 30 minutes you will get 2 or 3 thirty second long ads. So not a bad trade off. TubiTV has piles of stuff. And on evenings when it isn't hot I will go sit on my back porch and find something to watch on TubiTV.
It was months back I had the house to myself and didn't feel like sitting inside watching whatever crap airs on TV. So I filled up a big glass of iced tea,grabbed my tablet and my dog and I went to sit on the back porch. I was scrolling thru the recently added movies section on TubiTV when I saw Satan's Storybook. I did a double take cause I was sure I had seen the cover before and was sure the blonde on it was a 80s era Ginger Lynn aka Ginger Lynn Allen. I knew the cover and film title sounded familiar but didn't know why. I started up the film and saw that it is a very low budget DTV horror from 1989.
It was about halfway thru the film,during one of the ad breaks,that I realized why I knew the cover. For at least a year maybe more,in Fangoria there would be a quarter page ad advertising this movie. The ad played up the fact that it had the first non-porno role for Ginger Lynn Allen. Who IIRC was dating Charlie Sheen at the time. And the company selling the VHS wanted 29.95 plus shipping for it. Now for years I had seen the ad and wanted to see the movie. But figured I would never get a chance.
I looked online and the movie has so far only gotten a VHS release. Kinda surprised Code Red,Slasher Video or Massacre Video or hell Bleeding Skull hasn't released this on DVD or Blu Ray yet. VHS copies go for stupid prices. I am guessing not that many people bought a copy back in the day.And I never saw it for rent in any video store.
The story is fairly simple. Ginger plays some kind of Angelic ninja. The first scene is Ms Allen dressed up as a white ninja fighting off a bunch of black ninjas. While trying to save a gothic looking lady. We find out the goth lady is Satan's bride. And Ginger is there to stop the wedding so she can prevent the birth of the AntiChrist.
After this we switch to Satan in a throne. He is mad that his woman has been kidnapped. So to cheer him up Hell's jester shows up to tell Satan a few stories. Yep this is a horror anthology.
That is Satan. A guy in a goat mask with furry pants. Whoever made the movie must have gotten some fog machines cheap. Cause everytime we see Satan there is piles of fog.
The first story is "Demon of Death". About a 80s era serial killer. He dresses like your typical late 80s metalhead. And picks names at random out of the phone book. Then goes and kills the person he picked.Then at random he picks a girl who has ESP and her mother is a witch. Our killer gets gunned down but doesn't die. So is put on death row. And we get a trite as fuck twist ending.
The second story is about a drunk ass clown. Who kills himself. After what feels like an hour of boring dialogue we find out the clown is in hell. Yeah this story sucks.
Ginger is wandering around the woods with Satan's bride with her. They get surrounded by a bunch of people in whatever slightly Satanic looking stuff Party City had marked at 70% off the day after Halloween. During this battle Ginger just disappears. And we find out that Satan's bride now doesn't want to have a kid. Cut back to Ginger bathed in red light and surrounded by fog. And she implies that we will get a sequel.
It was more than likely 89 or 90 when I first saw the ad for this movie in Fangoria. And so it has been right at 30 years that I have been wanting to see it. So while it was kick ass I finally got to see a film I had never seen and thought I would never get to see,plus I saw it for free. The movie sucks ass. The only good parts are well Ginger looks great,the goat mask Satan wears is well done and the one evil clown in the second story is actually a bit scary. Besides that the movie was a waste of 90 or so minutes.
Now if you want to see this pile of shit,and why would you,well I haven't checked to see if it is still on TubiTV. TubiTV has a habit of cycling out stuff at random. You can find the full movie on Youtube. That way you can watch this minor piece of DTV horror history for free.
Satan's Storybook gets a F.
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